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Woody Allen Quotes
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How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
Woody Allen
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I bought her this handkerchief... and I didn't even know her size.
Woody Allen
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What a wonderful thing, to be conscious! I wonder what the people in New Jersey do.
Woody Allen
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Pale, nervous girls with black-rimmed glasses and blunt-cut hair lolled around on sofas, riffling Penguin Classics provocatively… But it wasn't just intellectual experiences. They were peddling emotional ones, too. For fifty bucks, I learned, you could 'relate without getting close.' For a hundred, a girl would lend you her Bartok records, have dinner, and then let you watch while she had an anxiety attack.
Woody Allen
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Am I my brother's keeper? Yes. Interestingly, in my case, I share that honor with the Prospect Park Zoo.
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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought — particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
Woody Allen
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If God is everywhere, I had concluded, then He is in food. Therefore, the more I ate the godlier I would become. Impelled by this new religious fervor, I glutted myself like a fanatic.
Woody Allen
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You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only... only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert.
Woody Allen
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Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
Woody Allen
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But what if everyone in the world behaved like me and came here and shot Brisseau through the ear? What a mess! And of course we'd need valet parking.
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The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup?
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Harry: No, I don't think you're paranoid. I think you're the opposite of paranoid. I think you walk around with the insane delusion that people like you.
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Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
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Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
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I've spent fifteen years in therapy. One more year, and I'm going to Lourdes.
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This is my perspective and has always been my perspective on life: I have a very grim, pessimistic view of it. I always have, since I was a little boy. It hasn't gotten worse with age or anything. I do feel that it's a grim, painful, nightmarish, meaningless experience, and that the only way that you can be happy is if you tell yourself some lies and deceive yourself.
Woody Allen
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I finally had an orgasm and my doctor told me it was the wrong kind.
Woody Allen
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Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.
Woody Allen
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Burt:
Do you care even about the Holocaust or do you think it never happened?
Harry:
Not only do I know that we lost six million, but the scary thing is that records are made to be broken.
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Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun.
Woody Allen
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Some guy hit my car fender the other day, and I said unto him, "Be fruitful and multiply." But not in those words.
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Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats.
Woody Allen
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Cookie:
What are you sad about?
Harry:
I'm spiritually bankrupt. I'm empty.
Cookie:
What do you mean?
Harry:
I'm frightened. I got no soul, you know what I mean? Let me put it this way: when I was younger it was less scary waiting for Lefty than it is waiting for Godot.
Cookie:
You lost me!
Harry:
You know that the universe is coming apart? You know about that? You know what a black hole is?
Cookie:
Yeah. That's how I make my living.
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I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
Woody Allen
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Early in life I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety.
Woody Allen
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Quote of the day
Talent, like beauty, to be pardoned, must be obscure and unostentatious.
Marguerite Gardiner, Countess of Blessington
Woody Allen
Wikipedia
Born:
December 1, 1935
(age 87)
Bio:
Woody Allen is an American actor, comedian, filmmaker and playwright, whose career spans more than five decades.
Known for:
Annie Hall (1977)
Manhattan (1979)
Café Society (2016)
Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
Midnight in Paris (2011)
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