Woody Allen - God Quotes

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As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree"— probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Woody Allen
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Woody Allen
The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. I think that the worst you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

Woody Allen
Rabbi Raditz of Poland was a very short rabbi with a long beard, who was said to have inspired many pogroms with his sense of humor. One of his disciples asked, "Who did God like better, Moses or Abraham?"
"Abraham," the Zaddik said.
"But Moses led the Israelites to the Promised Land," said the disciple.
"All right, so Moses," the Zaddik answered.

Woody Allen
If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

Woody Allen
The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind — a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.

Woody Allen
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.

Woody Allen
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

Woody Allen
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

Woody Allen
If God is everywhere, I had concluded, then He is in food. Therefore, the more I ate the godlier I would become. Impelled by this new religious fervor, I glutted myself like a fanatic.

Woody Allen
Do I believe in God? I did until Mother's accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen.

Woody Allen