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Woody Allen Quotes
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Hey listen — I've proved a lot of things. That's how I pay my rent. Theories and little observations. A puckish remark now and then. Occasional maxims. It beats picking olives, but let's not get carried away.
Woody Allen
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.
Woody Allen
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I don't wanna live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light.
Woody Allen
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What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
Woody Allen
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Bidnick gorges himself on Viagra, but the dosage makes him hallucinate and causes him to imagine he is Pliny the Elder.
Woody Allen
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If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
Woody Allen
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Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
Woody Allen
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Early in life I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety.
Woody Allen
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That [sex] was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
Woody Allen
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I made the statement years ago which is often quoted that 80 percent of life is showing up. People used to always say to me that they wanted to write a play, they wanted to write a movie, they wanted to write a novel, and the couple of people that did it were 80 percent of the way to having something happen. All the other people struck out without ever getting that pack. They couldn't do it, that's why they don't accomplish a thing, they don't do the thing, so once you do it, if you actually write your film script, or write your novel, you are more than half way towards something good happening. So that I was say [sic] my biggest life lesson that has worked. All others have failed me.
Woody Allen
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It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Woody Allen
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It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
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Not only does my play [Honeymoon Motel] have no redeeming social value, it has no entertainment value. I wrote this sprightly little one-acter only to test out my new paper shredder. If there is any positive message at all in the narrative it is that life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.
Woody Allen
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What a wonderful thing, to be conscious! I wonder what the people in New Jersey do.
Woody Allen
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The meaning of life is that nobody knows the meaning of life.
Woody Allen
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The psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty and I said, 'It is if you're doing it right.'
Woody Allen
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How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
Woody Allen
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The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind — a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.
Woody Allen
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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
Woody Allen
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With that, he scribbled in an additional ninety thousand dollars on the estimate, which had waxed to the girth of the Talmud while rivaling it in possible interpretations.
Woody Allen
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Should I marry W? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name. And what about her career? How can I ask a woman of her beauty to give up the Roller Derby? Decisions...
Woody Allen
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In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and someone to actually show up and do the revolting. Dress is usually casual and both parties may be flexible about time and place, but if either faction fails to attend, the whole enterprise is likely to come off badly.
Woody Allen
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Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
Woody Allen
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How wrong Emily Dickinson was! Hope is not "the thing with feathers." The thing with feathers has turned out to be my nephew. I must take him to a specialist in Zurich.
Woody Allen
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Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
Woody Allen
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Quote of the day
Autumn burned brightly, a running flame through the mountains, a torch flung to the trees.
Faith Baldwin
Woody Allen
Wikipedia
Born:
December 1, 1935
(age 88)
Bio:
Woody Allen is an American actor, comedian, filmmaker and playwright, whose career spans more than five decades.
Known for:
Annie Hall (1977)
Manhattan (1979)
Café Society (2016)
Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
Midnight in Paris (2011)
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