Woody Allen Short Quotes

25 Sourced Quotes

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I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself, but I didn't.

Woody Allen
I'm not the heroic type. I was beaten up by Quakers.

Woody Allen
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Woody Allen
Eternal nothingness is O. K. if you're dressed for it.

Woody Allen
Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.

Woody Allen
Early in life I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety.

Woody Allen
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

Woody Allen
That [sex] was the most fun I ever had without laughing.

Woody Allen
Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer.

Woody Allen
I'm not really the heroic type. I was beat up by Quakers.

Woody Allen
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Woody Allen
I ran into Isosceles. He has a great idea for a new triangle!

Woody Allen
The meaning of life is that nobody knows the meaning of life.

Woody Allen
I recently turned sixty. Practically a third of my life is over.

Woody Allen
I think people should mate for life. Like pigeons, or Catholics.

Woody Allen
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

Woody Allen
I bought her this handkerchief... and I didn't even know her size.

Woody Allen
Taste my tuna casserole — tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.

Woody Allen
Money is not everything, but it is better than having one's health.

Woody Allen
I can't get with any religion that advertises in Popular Mechanics.

Woody Allen
I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery.

Woody Allen
I finally had an orgasm and my doctor told me it was the wrong kind.

Woody Allen
If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be?...

Woody Allen
[The universe is] haphazard, morally neutral, and unimaginably violent.

Woody Allen
What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people.

Woody Allen
What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!

Woody Allen
I feel that life is—is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.

Woody Allen
Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either.

Woody Allen
Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat, college.

Woody Allen
All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that.

Woody Allen