Groucho Marx Quotes

71 Sourced Quotes

Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.

Groucho Marx
Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.

Groucho Marx
To a priest who liked his films and thanked him for the enjoyment he had given the world:
And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it.

Groucho Marx
The foods that are recommended today are as palatable as a steady diet of wet blotters.

Groucho Marx
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.

Groucho Marx
If you can't leave in a taxi you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff.

I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.

Groucho Marx
There were three things that Chico was always on—a phone, a horse or a broad.

Groucho Marx
Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.

Groucho Marx
I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

Groucho Marx