Fran Lebowitz Quotes

167 Sourced Quotes

Children make the most desirable opponents in Scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

Fran Lebowitz
I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.

Fran Lebowitz
Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable expectations and eventual disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around the room with royal-blue chickens.

Fran Lebowitz
When I was very little, say five or six, I became aware of the fact that people wrote books. Before that, I thought that God wrote books. I thought a book was a manifestation of nature, like a tree.

Fran Lebowitz
If food did not exist it would be well-nigh impossible to get certain types off the phone, as one would be unable to say, 'Look, I've got to run but let's have dinner sometime soon.'

Fran Lebowitz
If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract—teach him to deduct.

Fran Lebowitz
Children are rarely in the position to lend one a truly interesting sum of money. There are, however, exceptions, and such children are an excellent addition to any party.

Fran Lebowitz
Should you be a teenager blessed with uncommon good looks, document this state of affairs by the taking of photographs. It is the only way anyone will ever believe you in years to come.

Fran Lebowitz
The downfall of most diets is that they restrict your intake of food.

Fran Lebowitz
Smoking is, as far as I'm concerned, the entire point of being an adult.

Fran Lebowitz
Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is simply a good excuse not to play football.

Fran Lebowitz
If, while watching the sun set on a used-car lot in Los Angeles, you are struck by the parallels between this image and the inevitable fate of humanity, do not, under any circumstances, write it down.

Fran Lebowitz
Never allow your child to call you by your first name. He hasn't known you long enough.

Fran Lebowitz
Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

Fran Lebowitz
When it comes to sports I am not particularly interested. Generally speaking, I look upon them as dangerous and tiring activities performed by people with whom I share nothing except the right to trial by jury.

Fran Lebowitz
Those who use the word 'lifestyle' are rarely in possession of either.

Fran Lebowitz
The best fame is a writer's fame: it's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough that you get interrupted when you eat.

Fran Lebowitz
Writing pornography is deadly, nothing duller. I mean a toll-taker has a more exciting life than a pornographer.

Fran Lebowitz
I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use. Pleasant because one is in the best possible company and safe because sleep is the consummate protection against the unseemliness that is the invariable consequence of being awake. What you don't know won't hurt you. Sleep is death without the responsibility.

Fran Lebowitz
There are two kinds of music — good music and bad music. Good music is music that I want to hear. Bad music is music that I don't want to hear.

Fran Lebowitz
The first step in having any successful war is getting people to fight it.

Fran Lebowitz
It's very important when making a friend to check and see if they have a private plane. People think a good personality trait in a friend is kindness or a sense of humor. No, in a friend a good personality trait is a Gulfstream.

Fran Lebowitz
I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?

Fran Lebowitz
Should novels generally be 600 pages? No, they should not. Half of writing, maybe 3/4 of writing, is editing. This seems to be a thing that has not gotten through to them. It's my impression that you could get rid of half of most of these books. These people are not good enough to be this long, but they're apparently also not good enough to be shorter.

Fran Lebowitz
There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter.

Fran Lebowitz
If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.

Fran Lebowitz
Inhabitants of underdeveloped nations and victims of natural disasters are the only people who have ever been happy to see soy beans.

Fran Lebowitz
Whenever I am doing anything else, which is most of the time, even if it is not something like robbing a bank, I feel felonious. Writing is what I'm supposed to be doing.

Fran Lebowitz
No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

Fran Lebowitz
The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

Fran Lebowitz