Fran Lebowitz - News Quotes

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Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step, it is an old business procedure.

Fran Lebowitz
Most of my news, I get from the radio news stations. One of the stations' advertising lines is "Give us 22 minutes, we'll give you the world." In 22 minutes, they just have time for the headlines, so they can only really tell you what happened — which, by the way, is the news. They tell you how many people were killed in Iraq today, but they don't then bring on some Republican senator to explain to you how that's good. Or, on the contrary, they don't bring in a bunch of Democrats to tell you why it's bad. They just tell you what happened. That's the news. I am capable of analyzing my own news. What makes these people qualified to analyze my news for me? No matter what side they're on, I never agree with them.

Fran Lebowitz
If you live in New York and you have a guest room, you have guests. So I think it's best not to have a guest room.

Fran Lebowitz
In New York it's not whether you win or lose — it's how you lay the blame.

Fran Lebowitz
Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast the disc jockey is not allowed to talk.

Fran Lebowitz
I believed passionately that Communists were a race of horned men who divided their time equally between the burning of Nancy Drew books and the devising of a plan of nuclear attack that would land the largest and most lethal bomb squarely upon the third-grade class of Thomas Jefferson School in Morristown, New Jersey.

Fran Lebowitz
We are all born with a rut radar. Mine is finely wired, a little oversensitive maybe. Perhaps just a bit hyperactive. Twenty steady boyfriends before turning 16, a new best friend 12 times a year, switched college majors every time I met someone who seemed exactly like the sort of person I really, really wanted to be. I'm not fickle. I'm just never there yet.

Fran Lebowitz