Fran Lebowitz Short Quotes

25 Sourced Quotes

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If you're going to America, bring your own food.

Fran Lebowitz
No one earns 100 million. You steal 100 million.

Fran Lebowitz
Humility is no substitute for a good personality...

Fran Lebowitz
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.

Fran Lebowitz
Success didn't spoil me. I've always been insufferable.

Fran Lebowitz
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

Fran Lebowitz
Your life story would not make a good book. Do not even try.

Fran Lebowitz
Spilling your guts is just exactly as charming as it sounds.

Fran Lebowitz
I've never had the experience of being edited and never will.

Fran Lebowitz
My dream writing room would be the Imperial Library in Vienna.

Fran Lebowitz
Generally speaking, the poorer person summers where he winters.

Fran Lebowitz
If you want to get ahead in this world get a lawyer—not a book.
On self-help books

Fran Lebowitz
The downfall of most diets is that they restrict your intake of food.

Fran Lebowitz
Bread that must be sliced with an ax is bread that is too nourishing.

Fran Lebowitz
Everything in Japan is hidden. Real life has an unlisted phone number.

Fran Lebowitz
Those who use the word 'lifestyle' are rarely in possession of either.

Fran Lebowitz
Smoking is, as far as I'm concerned, the entire point of being an adult.

Fran Lebowitz
I don't like to read nonfiction. To me, fact is something I can look up.

Fran Lebowitz
The first step in having any successful war is getting people to fight it.

Fran Lebowitz
There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death.

Fran Lebowitz
Any child who cannot do long division by himself does not deserve to smoke.

Fran Lebowitz
I wouldn't say that I dislike the young. I'm simply not a fan of naëveté.

Fran Lebowitz
I write so slowly that I could write in my own blood without hurting myself.

Fran Lebowitz
Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publication.

Fran Lebowitz
The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

Fran Lebowitz
In New York it's not whether you win or lose — it's how you lay the blame.

Fran Lebowitz
Not writing is probably the most exhausting profession I've ever encountered.

Fran Lebowitz
Telling someone he looks healthy isn't a compliment — it's a second opinion.

Fran Lebowitz
There is nothing more mine than my writing, nothing I'm more proprietary about.

Fran Lebowitz
The [hypochondriacs'] program's motto, 'There is no such thing as just a mole.'

Fran Lebowitz