P. G. Wodehouse Quotes

379 Sourced Quotes

The only way…of really finding out a man's true character is to play golf with him. In no other walk of life does the cloven hoof so quickly display itself.

P. G. Wodehouse
It has been well said that it is precisely these moments when we are feeling that ours is the world and everything that's in it that Fate selects for sneaking up on us with the rock in the stocking.

P. G. Wodehouse
A girl who bonnets a policeman with an ashcan full of bottles is obviously good wife-and-mother timber.

P. G. Wodehouse
'What asses these Frenchmen are. Why can't they talk English?'
'They are possibly more to be pitied than censured, m'lord. Early upbringing no doubt has a lot to do with it.'

P. G. Wodehouse
She could not have gazed at him with a more rapturous intensity if she had been a small child and he a saucer of ice cream.

P. G. Wodehouse
I goggled. Her words did not appear to make sense. They seemed the mere aimless vapouring of an aunt who has been sitting out in the sun without a hat.
"You're pulling my leg."
"I am not pulling your leg. Nothing would induce me to touch your beastly leg."

P. G. Wodehouse
We Woosters freeze like the dickens when we seek sympathy and meet with cold reserve. "Nothing further Jeeves", I said with quiet dignity.

P. G. Wodehouse
In every romance you have to budget for the occasional dust-up.

P. G. Wodehouse
Anybody can talk me round. If I were in a Trappist monastery, the first thing that would happen would be that some smooth performer would lure me into some frightful idiocy against my better judgment by means of the deaf-and-dumb language.

P. G. Wodehouse
The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows.

P. G. Wodehouse
I was in rare fettle and the heart had touched a new high. I don't know anything that braces one up like finding you haven't got to get married after all.

P. G. Wodehouse
It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

P. G. Wodehouse
Like so many infants of tender years he presented to the eye the aspect of a mass murderer suffering from an ingrowing toenail.

P. G. Wodehouse
Like so many substantial citizens of America, he had married young and kept on marrying, springing from blonde to blonde like the chamois of the Alps leaping from crag to crag.

P. G. Wodehouse
He groaned slightly and winced, like Prometheus watching his vulture dropping in for lunch.

P. G. Wodehouse
In this life it is not aunts that matter but the courage which one brings to them.

P. G. Wodehouse
Oh, Bertie, if I ever called you a brainless poop who ought to be given a scholarship at some lunatic asylum, I take back the words.

P. G. Wodehouse
In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum of thickness.

P. G. Wodehouse
'Yes, sir,' said Jeeves in a low, cold voice, as if he had been bitten in the leg by a personal friend.

P. G. Wodehouse
You probably think that being a guest in your aunt's house I would hesitate to butter you all over the front lawn and dance on the fragments in hobnailed boots, but you are mistaken. It would be a genuine pleasure. By an odd coincidence I brought a pair of hobnailed boots with me!' So saying, and recognising a good exit line when he saw one, he strode out, and after an interval of tense meditation I followed him. (Spode to Wooster)

P. G. Wodehouse