P. G. Wodehouse Quotes

379 Sourced Quotes

The stationmaster's whiskers are of a Victorian bushiness and give the impression of having been grown under glass.

P. G. Wodehouse
His eyes were rolling in their sockets, and his face had taken on the colour and expression of a devout tomato. I could see he loved like a thousand bricks.

P. G. Wodehouse
And, anyway, no matter how much you may behave like the deaf adder of Scripture which, as you are doubtless aware, the more one piped, the less it danced, or words to that effect, I shall carry on as planned.

P. G. Wodehouse
Well, why do you want a political career? Have you ever been in the House of Commons and taken a good square look at the inmates? As weird a gaggle of freaks and sub-humans as was ever collected in one spot.

P. G. Wodehouse
Many a man may look respectable, and yet be able to hide at will behind a spiral staircase.

P. G. Wodehouse
At five minutes to eleven on the morning named he was at the station, a false beard and spectacles shielding his identity from the public eye. If you had asked him he would have said that he was a Scotch business man. As a matter of fact, he looked far more like a motor-car coming through a haystack.

P. G. Wodehouse
For an author Jerry Vail was rather nice-looking, most authors, as is widely known, resembling in appearance the more degraded types of fish, unless they look like birds, when they could pass as vultures and no questions asked.

P. G. Wodehouse
She's all for not letting the sun go down without having started something calculated to stagger humanity.

P. G. Wodehouse
Unseen, in the background, Fate was quietly slipping the lead into the boxing-glove.

P. G. Wodehouse
He looked haggard and careworn, like a Borgia who has suddenly remembered that he has forgotten to shove cyanide in the consommé, and the dinner-gong due any moment.

P. G. Wodehouse
His whole aspect was that of a man who has unexpectedly been struck by lightning.

P. G. Wodehouse
He's like one of those weird birds in India who dissolve themselves into thin air and nip through space in a sort of disembodied way and assemble the parts again just where they want them. I've got a cousin who's what they call a Theosophist, and he says he's often nearly worked the thing himself, but couldn't quite bring it off, probably owing to having fed in his boyhood on the flesh of animals slain in anger and pie.

P. G. Wodehouse
I don't say I've got much of a soul, but, such as it is, I'm perfectly satisfied with the little chap. I don't want people fooling about with it. 'Leave it alone,' I say. 'Don't touch it. I like it the way it is.'

P. G. Wodehouse
The Aberdeen terrier gave me an unpleasant look and said something under its breath in Gaelic.

P. G. Wodehouse
I believe there are two ways of writing novels. One is mine, making a sort of musical comedy without music and ignoring real life altogether; the other is going right deep down into life and not caring a damn.

P. G. Wodehouse
There occurred to me the simple epitaph which, when I am no more, I intend to have inscribed on my tombstone. It was this: "He was a man who acted from the best motives. There is one born every minute.

P. G. Wodehouse
There is enough sadness in life without having fellows like Gussie Fink-Nottle going about in sea boots.

P. G. Wodehouse
I don't know if you have ever seen a tiger of the jungle drawing a deep breath preparatory to doing a swan dive and landing with both the feet on the backbone of one of the minor fauna. Probably not, nor, as a matter of fact, have I.

P. G. Wodehouse
Say what you will, there is something fine about our old aristocracy. I'll bet Trotsky couldn't hit a moving secretary with an egg on a dark night.

P. G. Wodehouse
It is not mere technical skill that makes a man a golfer, it is the golfing soul.

P. G. Wodehouse