P. G. Wodehouse Quotes

379 Sourced Quotes

It is not mere technical skill that makes a man a golfer, it is the golfing soul.

P. G. Wodehouse
Jeeves coughed one soft, low, gentle cough like a sheep with a blade of grass stuck in its throat.

P. G. Wodehouse
It's curious how, when you're in love, you yearn to go about doing acts of kindness to everybody.

P. G. Wodehouse
But what is the love life of newts, if you boil it right down? Didn't you tell me once that they just waggled their tails at one another in the mating season?''Quite correct.' I shrugged my shoulders. 'Well all right, if they like it. But it's not my idea of molten passion.

P. G. Wodehouse
I'm all for rational enjoyment, and so forth, but I think a fellow makes himself conspicuous when he throws soft-boiled eggs at the electric fan

P. G. Wodehouse
I wouldn't have a face like that,' proceeded the child, with a good deal of earnestness, 'not if you gave me a million dollars.' He thought for a moment, then corrected himself. 'Two million dollars!' he added.

P. G. Wodehouse
It is the glorious uncertainty of golf that makes it the game it is.

P. G. Wodehouse
As a rule, from what I've observed, the American Captain of Industry doesn't do anything out of business hours. When he has put the cat out and locked up the office for the night, he just relapses into a state of coma from which he emerges only to start being a Captain of Industry again.

P. G. Wodehouse
That's always the way in this world. The chappies you'd like to lend money to won't let you, whereas the chappies you don't want to lend it to will do everything except actually stand you on your head and lift the specie out of your pockets.

P. G. Wodehouse
Hell, it is well known, has no fury like a woman who wants her tea and can't get it.

P. G. Wodehouse
I should think it extremely improbable that anyone ever wrote for money. Naturally, when he has written something, he wants to get as much for it as he can, but that is a very different thing from writing for money.

P. G. Wodehouse
She's one of those soppy girls, riddled from head to foot with whimsy. She holds the view that the stars are God's daisy chain, that rabbits are gnomes in attendance on the Fairy Queen, and that every time a fairy blows its wee nose a baby is born, which, as we know, is not the case. She's a drooper.

P. G. Wodehouse
I always strive, when I can, to spread sweetness and light. There have been several complaints about it.

P. G. Wodehouse
Do men who have got all their marbles go swimming in lakes with their clothes on?

P. G. Wodehouse
He's like one of those weird birds in India who dissolve themselves into thin air and nip through space in a sort of disembodied way and assemble the parts again just where they want them. I've got a cousin who's what they call a Theosophist, and he says he's often nearly worked the thing himself, but couldn't quite bring it off, probably owing to having fed in his boyhood on the flesh of animals slain in anger and pie.

P. G. Wodehouse
It is not the being paid money in advance that jars the sensitive artist: it is the having to work.

P. G. Wodehouse
My motto is 'Love and let love' - with the one stipulation that people who love in glass-houses should breathe on the windows.

P. G. Wodehouse
I may as well tell you, here and now, that if you are going about the place thinking things pretty, you will never make a modern poet. Be poignant, man, be poignant!

P. G. Wodehouse
In all crises of human affairs there are two broad courses open to a man. He can stay where he is or he can go elsewhere.

P. G. Wodehouse