P. G. Wodehouse Quotes

379 Sourced Quotes

Well, why do you want a political career? Have you ever been in the House of Commons and taken a good square look at the inmates? As weird a gaggle of freaks and sub-humans as was ever collected in one spot.

P. G. Wodehouse
On his good mornings, I don't suppose there are more than a handful of men in the W. 1 postal district of London swifter to spot oompus-boompus than Bertram Wooster, and this was one of my particularly good mornings. I saw the whole hideous plot.

P. G. Wodehouse
Just another proof, of course, of what I often say - it takes all sorts to make a world.

P. G. Wodehouse
Oh, Jeeves,' I said; 'about that check suit.' Yes, sir?' Is it really a frost?' A trifle too bizarre, sir, in my opinion.' But lots of fellows have asked me who my tailor is.' Doubtless in order to avoid him, sir.' He's supposed to be one of the best men in London.' I am saying nothing against his moral character, sir.

P. G. Wodehouse
Work, the what's-its-name of the thingummy and the thing-um-a-bob of the what d'you-call-it.

P. G. Wodehouse
His whole aspect was that of a man who has unexpectedly been struck by lightning.

P. G. Wodehouse
For the first time since sudden love had thrown them into each other's arms, she had found herself beginning to wonder if her Blair was quite the godlike superman she had supposed. There even flashed through her mind a sinister speculation as to whether, when you came right down to it, he wasn't something of a pill.

P. G. Wodehouse
I am Psmith," said the old Etonian reverently. "There is a preliminary P before the name. This, however, is silent. Like the tomb. Compare such words as ptarmigan, psalm, and phthisis.

P. G. Wodehouse
I laughed derisively. "For goodness' sake, don't start gargling now. This is serious." "I was laughing." "Oh, were you? Well, I'm glad to see you taking it in this merry spirit." "Derisively," I explained.

P. G. Wodehouse
It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

P. G. Wodehouse
In boxing the right cross-counter is distinctly one of those things it is more blessed to give than to receive.

P. G. Wodehouse
Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

P. G. Wodehouse
I clutched at the brow. The mice in my interior had now got up an informal dance and were buck-and-winging all over the place like a bunch of Nijinskys.

P. G. Wodehouse
He looked haggard and careworn, like a Borgia who has suddenly remembered that he has forgotten to shove cyanide in the consommé, and the dinner-gong due any moment.

P. G. Wodehouse
To persons of spirit like ourselves the only happy marriage is that which is based on a firm foundation of almost incessant quarrelling.

P. G. Wodehouse
He's engaged to be married to Stiffy Byng, and his long years of football should prove an excellent preparation for setting up house with her. The way I look at it is that when a fellow has had plug-uglies in cleated boots doing a Shuffle-off-to-Buffalo on his face Saturday after Saturday since he was a slip of a boy, he must get to fear nothing, not even marriage with a girl like Stiffy, who from early childhood has seldom let the sun go down without starting some loony enterprise calculated to bleach the hair of one and all.

P. G. Wodehouse
... "someone tried to assasinate Lenin with a rewolwer. That is our (Russia's) great national sport, you see."

P. G. Wodehouse
What you want, my lad, and what you're going to get are two very different things.

P. G. Wodehouse
I don't know if you have ever seen a tiger of the jungle drawing a deep breath preparatory to doing a swan dive and landing with both the feet on the backbone of one of the minor fauna. Probably not, nor, as a matter of fact, have I.

P. G. Wodehouse
Dark hair fell in a sweep over his forehead. He looked like a man who would write vers libre, as indeed he did.

P. G. Wodehouse
A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour.

P. G. Wodehouse
I'd always thought her half-baked, but now I think they didn't even put her in the oven.

P. G. Wodehouse
They were real golfers, for real golf is a thing of the spirit, not of mere mechanical excellence of stroke.

P. G. Wodehouse
He gave her some chocolates to eat in the Tube. He entertained her with amazing statistics, culled from the weekly paper which he bought on Tuesdays. He was, in short, the perfect lover.

P. G. Wodehouse
I was in rare fettle and the heart had touched a new high. I don't know anything that braces one up like finding you haven't got to get married after all.

P. G. Wodehouse
I am told by those who know that there are six varieties of hangover-the Broken Compass, the Sewing Machine, the Comet, the Atomic, the Cement Mixer and the Gremlin Boogie, and his manner suggested that he had got them all.

P. G. Wodehouse
It was loud in spots and less loud in other spots, and it had that quality which I have noticed in all violin solos of seeming to last much longer than it actually did.

P. G. Wodehouse
A mere hole in the ground, which of all sights is perhaps the least vivid and dramatic, is enough to grip their [archaeologists] attention for hours at a time.

P. G. Wodehouse
When Cynthia smiles, said young Bingo, the skies are blue; the world takes on a roseate hue; birds in the garden trill and sing, and Joy is king of everything, when Cynthia smiles. He coughed, changing gears. When Cynthia frowns - What the devil are you talking about?I'm reading you my poem. The one I wrote to Cynthia last night. I'll go on, shall I?No!No?No. I haven't had my tea.

P. G. Wodehouse
In every romance you have to budget for the occasional dust-up.

P. G. Wodehouse