P. G. Wodehouse - The Inimitable Jeeves (1923)

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Anybody can talk me round. If I were in a Trappist monastery, the first thing that would happen would be that some smooth performer would lure me into some frightful idiocy against my better judgment by means of the deaf-and-dumb language.

P. G. Wodehouse
I once got engaged to his daughter Honoria, a ghastly dynamic exhibit who read Nietzsche and had a laugh like waves breaking on a stern and rockbound coast.

P. G. Wodehouse
We Woosters freeze like the dickens when we seek sympathy and meet with cold reserve. "Nothing further Jeeves", I said with quiet dignity.

P. G. Wodehouse
Sir Roderick Glossop…is always called a nerve specialist, because it sounds better, but everybody knows that he's really a sort of janitor to the looney-bin.

P. G. Wodehouse
Jeeves lugged my purple socks out of the drawer as if he were a vegetarian fishing a caterpillar out of his salad.

P. G. Wodehouse
I turned to Aunt Agatha, whose demeanour was now rather like that of one who, picking daisies on the railway, has just caught the down express in the small of the back.

P. G. Wodehouse
She had a penetrating sort of laugh. Rather like a train going into a tunnel.

P. G. Wodehouse
It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

P. G. Wodehouse
As a rule, you see, I'm not lugged into Family Rows. On the occasions when Aunt is calling Aunt like mastodons bellowing across primeval swamps and Uncle James's letter about Cousin Mabel's peculiar behaviour is being shot round the family circle ('Please read this carefully and send it on Jane') the clan has a tendency to ignore me. It's one of the advantages I get from being a bachelor - and, according to my nearest and dearest, practically a half-witted bachelor at that.

P. G. Wodehouse
Jeeves coughed one soft, low, gentle cough like a sheep with a blade of grass stuck in its throat.

P. G. Wodehouse