Janet Evanovich Quotes

183 Sourced Quotes

You deserved to get run over. And besides, I barely tapped you. The only reason you broke your leg was because you panicked and tripped over your own feet.

Janet Evanovich
I always know it's Sunday because I wake up feeling apologetic. That's one of the cool things about being a Catholic... it's a multifaceted experience. If you lose the faith, chances are you'll keep the guilt, so it isn't as if you've been skunked altogether.

Janet Evanovich
I was watching television and I saw how you stick your fingers in a person's eyes to slow them down." Grandma Mazur

Janet Evanovich
Oh, for God's sake," I said. "Just give me the stupid thing." I took the panic button and stuck it into my Super Sexy Miracle Bra. "GPS," Ranger said to Morelli. "Probably I can find her breast without it," Morelli said. "But it's good to know there's a navigational system on board if I need it.

Janet Evanovich
Romance novels are birthday cake and life is often peanut butter and jelly. I think everyone should have lots of delicious romance novels lying around for those times when the peanut butter of life gets stuck to the roof of your mouth.

Janet Evanovich
No one expected a first year engineering student to build the perfect bridge.

Janet Evanovich
I rolled my eyes so far into the top of my head I almost fell over backward.

Janet Evanovich
My father was in the kitchen putting a new washer in the kitchen faucet. He looked relieved to see Morelli standing in the hallway. He'd probably prefer I bring home someone useful, like a butcher or a car mechanic, but I guess cops are a step up from undertakers.

Janet Evanovich
You'd tell me if we were getting married, wouldn't you? I mean, you wouldn't just appear on my doorstep one day and say we were due at the church in an hour.

Janet Evanovich
Thinking very often resembles napping, but the intent is different. —Stephanie Plum

Janet Evanovich
Honey, a man can't keep his gun in a cookie jar. It just isn't done.

Janet Evanovich
Ranger plays by his own set of rules, and I don't have a complete copy.

Janet Evanovich
Ranger sent us to check on you," Hal said. "We just got here, and we heard shots." "Some moron ate my jelly doughnut," Lula said. "So I shot him.

Janet Evanovich
That's nice of you, but it's not necessary to loan me a car. I loan you cars all the time. And I almost always destroy them or lose them. I have terrible luck with cars. Working at Rangeman is a high-stress job, and you're one of our few sources of comic relief. I give you a car and my men start a pool on how long it will take you to trash it. You're a line item in my budget under entertainment.

Janet Evanovich
You fainted," I told Tank. "I did not," Tank said. "That's a lie.

Janet Evanovich
On the bright side, I'm sure this isn't the last time you'll ever get firebombed, so maybe you'll have better luck next time.

Janet Evanovich
If I could just get Broom to cooperate, we could fly, Glo said. Then we wouldn't have to worry about traffic. Harry Potter didn't have to worry about traffic. You relize Harry Potter isn't real, right? Of course, but he could be. I mean, maybe not Harry Potter, but someone like him. Who's to say?

Janet Evanovich
You must be a terrible burden to your mother. I am feeling so sorry for her not to have a proper daughter." Mrs. Apusenja - To the Nines

Janet Evanovich
Look at you! You look like Rangeman Barbie. You got a gun and everything. -Lula

Janet Evanovich
This isn't just a job. This is a service profession. We uphold the law, babe." Ranger

Janet Evanovich
Good thing he's dead," Lula said, "or that would have hurt like the devil.

Janet Evanovich
I exchanged my flannel shirt for a Rangers jersey and zapped the television on. Probably I should make more phone calls, but the Rangers were playing and priorities were priorities.

Janet Evanovich
Ranger appeared in the bathroom doorway and I was too relieved to be embarrassed. "I appreciate you coming out in the middle of the night," I said. Ranger smiled. "I didn't want to miss seeing you chained up naked.

Janet Evanovich
I thought you wanted to date other women?" "I didn't want to date other women. We decided in the heat of the moment that were no longer exclusively attached." "And I could date other men." Morelli was starting to look annoyed. "Have you been dating other men?" "Maybe." "As long as it isn't Ranger," Morelli said. "I don't think Ranger dates.

Janet Evanovich
Excuse me?" I said, palms down on the Formica tabletop. "Coffee? I thought we came here for pie." "I don't eat the kind of pie they serve here." I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked.

Janet Evanovich
Mooner was walking around laying his hands on the cars, divining karma. "this is it", he said, standing by a small khaki-colored jeep."this car has protective qualities" You mean like a guardian angel?" I mean, like, it has seatbelts

Janet Evanovich
Cupcake, you've been breaking my heart for as long as I've known you

Janet Evanovich
That was close,"he said, helping himself to coffee. Yeah, you almost opened the door to Morelli." I wasn't talking about Morelli. I was talking about us." That too," I said. Ranger sliced a bagel and looked for the toaster. It's broken,"I told him. He truned the boiler on and slid the bagel into the oven. That's surprisingly domestic for a man of mystery," I said to him. He looked at me over the rim of his coffee mug. "I like things hot.

Janet Evanovich
THERE ARE SOME MEN who enter a woman's life and screw it up forever. Joseph Morelli did this to me—not forever, but periodically.

Janet Evanovich
I think I got a bruise from landing on you. I hear bacon is real good for healing a bruise.

Janet Evanovich