Janet Evanovich Quotes

183 Sourced Quotes

I see you looking at my cookies,' my father said to Morelli. 'Don't even think about it. Go get your own cookies.

Janet Evanovich
What are you doing back at the bakery? I asked [Diesel]. Did you know Wulf was here? No. I knew food was here.

Janet Evanovich
Is there anything else you need from me?" Ranger asked. "Not right now." "There will come a time," Ranger said. "Let me know when." And he disconnected. I opened the freezer and stuck my head in to cool off. If there'd been any more innuendo in that conversation, I could have fried an egg on my forehead.

Janet Evanovich
Valerie was crying, too. She was laughing and sniffling back sobs. I'm going to marry my snuggy wuggums, she said. Morelli paused, his fork halfway to the roast chicken platter. He slid his eyes to me and leaned close. If you ever call me snuggy wuggums in public I'll lock you in the cellar and chain you to the furnace.

Janet Evanovich
The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma's crotch, and snuffled. Dang," Grandma said. "Guess my new perfume really works. I'm gonna have to try it out at the seniors meeting.

Janet Evanovich
Almost everybody I know has died, Grandma said. Bunch of wimps.

Janet Evanovich
Morelli smiled. "It could have been Jenny Ragucci. That makes much more sense. I had good luck with sluts." I looked over at him. All in the past," Morelli said. "I'm a cupcake man now." Whoa, dude," Mooner said. "That's so, like, cosmic.

Janet Evanovich
If God had wanted me to lose weight he would have made sure there was creamed spinach for dessert.

Janet Evanovich
THE NOTE said the first clue was "in the big one." I looked at the jumble of letters that followed, and I saw no pattern. Not such a surprise, since I was missing the puzzle chromosome and couldn't do puzzles designed for nine-year-olds.

Janet Evanovich
There is no such thing as a good call at 7 AM. It's been my experience that all calls between the hours of 11 PM and 9 AM are disaster calls.

Janet Evanovich
I don't feel so good." Lula said. And she farted. She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. "Excuse me." she said. I was horrified and impressed all at the same time. It was a record breaking fart. On my best day, I couldn't come near to farting like that.

Janet Evanovich
Why do you give me cars?" "It's fun," Ranger said."And it keeps you safe. Do you want to know why keeping you safe is important to me?" "You love me?" "Yes." A sigh inadvertently escaped. "We're really screwed up, aren't we?" "In a very large way," Ranger said.

Janet Evanovich
Aren't you something," Grandma said. "I never saw a midget up close." "Little person," Briggs said. "And I never saw anyone as old as you up close, either.

Janet Evanovich
I went to the door, and Gary tried hard not to notice I was blue. He looked at his feet, and he looked above my head, and he cleared his throat. It's okay,' I said. 'I know I'm blue.' It caught me by surprise,' he said. 'I didn't want to seem rude.

Janet Evanovich
Who's the best person you know. Of all the people you know personally, is there anyone who has a sense of right and wrong and lives by it? This was a sticky question because it would have to be Ranger...but I suspected he occasionally killed people. Only bad people, of course, but still...

Janet Evanovich
Ranger's gonna hate this, Tank said. Better to get shot than to have to explain the gate. Bad enough I got a horse that smells like his shower gel.

Janet Evanovich
Morelli beeped his truck unlocked. If you're looking for your rent-a-cop, I told Ranger you'd be with me this morning. Did he make you take a blood oath that you'd protect me? He asked me if I had adequate health insurance.

Janet Evanovich
I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk. —Stephanie Plum

Janet Evanovich
I was waiting for my body receipt when Morelli walked in. He nodded to Ranger and grinned at me in my whiteness. I was at my desk, and Mickey told me I had to come out to take a look, Morelli said. It's floor, I told him. I can see that. If we add some milk and eggs, we can turn you into a cake.

Janet Evanovich
Any intelligent woman would have made a dignified retreat, but this was New Jersey, where dignity always runs a poor second to the pleasure of getting in someone's face.

Janet Evanovich
I wasn't a fabulous cook. I didn't have a boyfriend, much less a husband. And I wasn't a big financial success. I could live with all those failings as long as I knew that once in a while I looked really hot.

Janet Evanovich
That's how you tell what a man's really made of. It's one thing for a man to be big and brave and kill a spider. Any man could do that. Trailin' after a woman when she's shopping for thongs and push-up bras is a whole other category of man. And then if you want to see how far you can go with it, you ask him to carry one of those little pink bags they give you.

Janet Evanovich
I disconnected and made a mental note not to call Tank unless I was bleeding profusely, and he was the only other person on earth.

Janet Evanovich
And the closest I've come to an out-of-body experience was when Joe Morelli took his mouth to me fourteen years ago, behind the eclair case.

Janet Evanovich
Truth is, I'm a good Catholic girl. The faith has always been elusive, but the guilt is intractable.

Janet Evanovich
Stephanie,' Valerie said. 'She's going to have a baby, and she's getting married.' My father was confused. He looked around the room. No Joe. No Ranger. His eyes locked on Diesel. 'Not the psycho,' he said. Diesel blew out a sigh. My father turned to my mother. 'Get me the carving knife. Make sure it's sharp.

Janet Evanovich
Cracker Jacks don't count as junk food because they're corn and peanuts, which we know to be high in nutrition. And they have a prize inside.

Janet Evanovich
I don't need shoes. I need a night scope. You think they sell night scopes someplace here?

Janet Evanovich
Some people learn from books, some listen to the advice of others, some learn from mistakes. I fit into the last category. So sue me.

Janet Evanovich
You don't even need to go to college no more because you could learn how to do everything on YouTube.

Janet Evanovich