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Cupcake, you've been breaking my heart for as long as I've known you
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That was close,"he said, helping himself to coffee. Yeah, you almost opened the door to Morelli." I wasn't talking about Morelli. I was talking about us." That too," I said. Ranger sliced a bagel and looked for the toaster. It's broken,"I told him. He truned the boiler on and slid the bagel into the oven. That's surprisingly domestic for a man of mystery," I said to him. He looked at me over the rim of his coffee mug. "I like things hot.
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THERE ARE SOME MEN who enter a woman's life and screw it up forever. Joseph Morelli did this to me—not forever, but periodically.
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I think I got a bruise from landing on you. I hear bacon is real good for healing a bruise.
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I met a real looker. He picked me up at the two dollar slot machines, so you know he's no cheapskate." Grandma Mazur
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I see you looking at my cookies,' my father said to Morelli. 'Don't even think about it. Go get your own cookies.
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What are you doing back at the bakery? I asked [Diesel]. Did you know Wulf was here? No. I knew food was here.
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Is there anything else you need from me?" Ranger asked. "Not right now." "There will come a time," Ranger said. "Let me know when." And he disconnected. I opened the freezer and stuck my head in to cool off. If there'd been any more innuendo in that conversation, I could have fried an egg on my forehead.
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Valerie was crying, too. She was laughing and sniffling back sobs. I'm going to marry my snuggy wuggums, she said. Morelli paused, his fork halfway to the roast chicken platter. He slid his eyes to me and leaned close. If you ever call me snuggy wuggums in public I'll lock you in the cellar and chain you to the furnace.
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The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma's crotch, and snuffled. Dang," Grandma said. "Guess my new perfume really works. I'm gonna have to try it out at the seniors meeting.
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Almost everybody I know has died, Grandma said. Bunch of wimps.
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Morelli smiled. "It could have been Jenny Ragucci. That makes much more sense. I had good luck with sluts." I looked over at him. All in the past," Morelli said. "I'm a cupcake man now." Whoa, dude," Mooner said. "That's so, like, cosmic.
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If God had wanted me to lose weight he would have made sure there was creamed spinach for dessert.
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THE NOTE said the first clue was "in the big one." I looked at the jumble of letters that followed, and I saw no pattern. Not such a surprise, since I was missing the puzzle chromosome and couldn't do puzzles designed for nine-year-olds.
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There is no such thing as a good call at 7 AM. It's been my experience that all calls between the hours of 11 PM and 9 AM are disaster calls.
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I don't feel so good." Lula said. And she farted. She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. "Excuse me." she said. I was horrified and impressed all at the same time. It was a record breaking fart. On my best day, I couldn't come near to farting like that.
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Why do you give me cars?" "It's fun," Ranger said."And it keeps you safe. Do you want to know why keeping you safe is important to me?" "You love me?" "Yes." A sigh inadvertently escaped. "We're really screwed up, aren't we?" "In a very large way," Ranger said.
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Aren't you something," Grandma said. "I never saw a midget up close." "Little person," Briggs said. "And I never saw anyone as old as you up close, either.
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I went to the door, and Gary tried hard not to notice I was blue. He looked at his feet, and he looked above my head, and he cleared his throat. It's okay,' I said. 'I know I'm blue.' It caught me by surprise,' he said. 'I didn't want to seem rude.
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Who's the best person you know. Of all the people you know personally, is there anyone who has a sense of right and wrong and lives by it? This was a sticky question because it would have to be Ranger...but I suspected he occasionally killed people. Only bad people, of course, but still...
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Ranger's gonna hate this, Tank said. Better to get shot than to have to explain the gate. Bad enough I got a horse that smells like his shower gel.
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Stephanie,' Valerie said. 'She's going to have a baby, and she's getting married.' My father was confused. He looked around the room. No Joe. No Ranger. His eyes locked on Diesel. 'Not the psycho,' he said. Diesel blew out a sigh. My father turned to my mother. 'Get me the carving knife. Make sure it's sharp.
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And the closest I've come to an out-of-body experience was when Joe Morelli took his mouth to me fourteen years ago, behind the eclair case.
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Truth is, I'm a good Catholic girl. The faith has always been elusive, but the guilt is intractable.
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I disconnected and made a mental note not to call Tank unless I was bleeding profusely, and he was the only other person on earth.
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Quote of the day
Every hand and every hour should be devoted to rescue the world from its insanity of guilt, and to assuage the pangs of human hearts with balm and anodyne. To pity distress is but human; to relieve it is Godlike.
Horace Mann
Janet Evanovich
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Born:
April 22, 1943
(age 81)
Bio:
Janet Evanovich is an American writer.
Known for:
One for the Money (1994)
Tricky Twenty-Two (2015)
Takedown Twenty (2013)
Two for the Dough (1996)
Notorious Nineteen (2012)
Most used words:
ranger
morelli
lula
tank
looked
time
jersey
people
car
told
woman
grandma
kill
peanut
butter
Janet Evanovich on Wikipedia
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