Janet Evanovich Quotes

183 Sourced Quotes

When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.

Janet Evanovich
I've never been in this part of Trenton before. I don't feel comfortable driving around buildings that haven't got gang slogans sprayed on them. Look at this place. No boarded-up windows. No garbage in the gutter. No brothers selling goods on the street. Don't know how people can live like this.

Janet Evanovich
Omigod,' I said on a sudden flash of sleep-deprived insight. 'You're the big bad wolf.' There are some similarities.

Janet Evanovich
Amen" Lula said and she made the sign of the cross. "I thought you were Baptist." "Yeah, but we don't got any hand signals for an occasion like this.

Janet Evanovich
"I'm underrealized," Lula said. "I gotta lot of untapped potential. Yesterday my horoscope said I gotta expand my horizons." "You expand any more in that dress, and you'll get yourself arrested," Connie said.

Janet Evanovich
I mostly eat peanut butter sandwiches. Peanut butter and banana, peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and potato chips, peanut butter and olives, and peanut butter and marshmallow goo. So sue me, I like peanut butter.

Janet Evanovich
If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to get me drunk," I said to Ranger. "Not drunk," Ranger said. "Just relaxed and naked.

Janet Evanovich
It's the twenty-first century." I told Tank. "Women drive." "Only in my bed," Tank said. "Never in my car.

Janet Evanovich
As long as he has a house with two bathrooms. I swear to God, I don't care if he's Jack the Ripper.

Janet Evanovich
Lula: Suppose something goes wrong? Suppose you need a big full-figure woman like me to help straighten things out?

Janet Evanovich
Okay, take a deep breath, I told myself. Don't go all hormonal. Get the facts straight. Have a mental doughnut.

Janet Evanovich
I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk. —Stephanie Plum

Janet Evanovich
I was waiting for my body receipt when Morelli walked in. He nodded to Ranger and grinned at me in my whiteness. I was at my desk, and Mickey told me I had to come out to take a look, Morelli said. It's floor, I told him. I can see that. If we add some milk and eggs, we can turn you into a cake.

Janet Evanovich
Any intelligent woman would have made a dignified retreat, but this was New Jersey, where dignity always runs a poor second to the pleasure of getting in someone's face.

Janet Evanovich
I wasn't a fabulous cook. I didn't have a boyfriend, much less a husband. And I wasn't a big financial success. I could live with all those failings as long as I knew that once in a while I looked really hot.

Janet Evanovich
That's how you tell what a man's really made of. It's one thing for a man to be big and brave and kill a spider. Any man could do that. Trailin' after a woman when she's shopping for thongs and push-up bras is a whole other category of man. And then if you want to see how far you can go with it, you ask him to carry one of those little pink bags they give you.

Janet Evanovich
I disconnected and made a mental note not to call Tank unless I was bleeding profusely, and he was the only other person on earth.

Janet Evanovich
And the closest I've come to an out-of-body experience was when Joe Morelli took his mouth to me fourteen years ago, behind the eclair case.

Janet Evanovich
Truth is, I'm a good Catholic girl. The faith has always been elusive, but the guilt is intractable.

Janet Evanovich
Stephanie,' Valerie said. 'She's going to have a baby, and she's getting married.' My father was confused. He looked around the room. No Joe. No Ranger. His eyes locked on Diesel. 'Not the psycho,' he said. Diesel blew out a sigh. My father turned to my mother. 'Get me the carving knife. Make sure it's sharp.

Janet Evanovich
Cracker Jacks don't count as junk food because they're corn and peanuts, which we know to be high in nutrition. And they have a prize inside.

Janet Evanovich
I don't need shoes. I need a night scope. You think they sell night scopes someplace here?

Janet Evanovich
Morelli beeped his truck unlocked. If you're looking for your rent-a-cop, I told Ranger you'd be with me this morning. Did he make you take a blood oath that you'd protect me? He asked me if I had adequate health insurance.

Janet Evanovich
Men drive off bridges and drink too much because of women like you.

Janet Evanovich
Now that we know you're not a hundred percent vampire you should stop trying to suck necks," I said to Ziggy. "I'll try," Ziggy said, "but it's a hard habit to break.

Janet Evanovich
Morelli grabbed the front of my shirt, pulled me to him, and kissed me. It was a great kiss, but I didn't know what the heck it meant. It seemed to me a breaking up kiss would have had less tongue.

Janet Evanovich
When something needs to be ironed I put it in the ironing basket. If a year goes by and the item is still in the basket I throw the item away. This is a good system since eventually I end up only with clothes that don't need ironing.

Janet Evanovich
When people ask what you do, tell them you're a writer. Put yourself on the line. Make a commitment.

Janet Evanovich
You don't even need to go to college no more because you could learn how to do everything on YouTube.

Janet Evanovich
I knew there were no such things as death cooties. Unfortunately, that's an intellectual fact. And death cooties are an emotional reality.

Janet Evanovich