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Men tuned into women but not tuned into their own hurts usually retained the attitude that women needed special protection.
Warren Farrell
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As I looked more carefully at the listening matrix I saw that during the past twenty years we had taken a magnifying glass to the first of these four quadrants, the female experience of powerlessness. I saw I was subconsciously making a false assumption: The more deeply I understood women's experience of powerlessness, the more I assumed men had the power women did not have. In fact, what I was understanding was the female experience of male power.
Warren Farrell
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Helping men express feelings starts with understanding why men don't express them.
Warren Farrell
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To me, God is the accumulated wisdom I've gathered throughout my life. When I pay attention, my body gives me a printout of this wisdom.
Warren Farrell
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Sexism is discounting the female experience of powerlessness; the new sexism is discounting the male experience of powerlessness.
Warren Farrell
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Just as women needed the help of the law to enter the workplace in the 20th century, men will need the help of the law to love their children in the 21st century.
Warren Farrell
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Men's immediate path from the Insanity Track to the Sanity Track is in demanding that both sexes have the freedom to strike a balance between homeplace and workplace. Men must expect their wives to financially support them to be fathers as much as they now financially support their wives to be mothers. Women must have our approval to marry the warrior of love rather than the warrior of money.
Warren Farrell
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Unfortunately, the process of gaining money in [a man's] life usually meant alienating the wife in his life. Sometimes this leads to a legal divorce, but more often to a psychological divorce. Which is why a survey of doctors' wives reported in Medical/Mrs. Found the doctors' wives harboring hostility that was 'stunning to behold.' Yet the wives remained married to the doctors. Why? More than anything else, the wives said, they wanted security from marriage… the men, then, were often prostitutes to an illusion of emotional security. At least their wives had the reality of economic security.
Warren Farrell
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When we commit violence against an infant girl, we call it child abuse; when we commit violence against an infant boy, we call it circumcision.
Warren Farrell
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It would be hard to find a single example in history in which a group that cast more than 50 percent of the vote got away with calling itself the victim... Women are the only 'oppressed' group to share the same parents as the 'oppressor'; to be born into the middle class and upper class as frequently as the 'oppressor'; to own more of the culture's luxury items than the 'oppressor'...
Warren Farrell
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People Who Get Higher Pay Require Less Security. ITEM. It's 2004. I am presenting Why Men Earn More to the sales and marketing teams of my publisher (AMACOM). To illustrate financial risk as one of the ways to higher pay, I ask everyone in the room who is paid by commission to stand up. Eight men stand; no women. I then ask those paid by salary to stand: About equal numbers of men and women stand.
Warren Farrell
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The sexist perception that violence by anyone against only women is anti-woman while violence by a woman against only men is just generic violence creates a political demand for laws that are even more protective of women.
Warren Farrell
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The deeper purpose of a more positive attitude toward men is a better life for the children who are parented by the men who are their dads and stepdads; less shame for our sons who will become men; and, for our daughters, a deeper understanding of men's desire to please that leaves them feeling their willingness to please is not unrequited but returned—allowing our daughters to feel less lonely and more loved. If we earn more and love less, we pay for a home in which we do not live.
Warren Farrell
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A man becomes successful by repressing his feelings, not expressing his feelings.
Warren Farrell
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Many black men leave because they are financially responsible—not because they are emotionally irresponsible.
Warren Farrell
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Sharing instructions about how to perform better for others is very different than sharing feelings about life experiences that make us happy or sad.
Warren Farrell
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When a dad admits he is wrong or asks for help, he allows the child to see him- or herself as adequate even when she or he is also wrong. It encourages children to make suggestions and, therefore, to discover their creativity because they have a chance of making a contribution. – page 120.
Warren Farrell
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Helping women achieve higher pay is a core goal of this book.
Warren Farrell
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All of this is men's genetic heritage. However, men's genetic heritage is in conflict with their genetic future.
Warren Farrell
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When we hear men are the greater victims of crime, we tend to say, 'Well, it's men hurting other men.' When we hear that blacks are the greater victims, we consider it racist to say, 'Well, it's blacks hurting blacks.' The victim is a victim no matter who the perpetrator was.
Warren Farrell
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When a parent denies a child its parent time, that parent is denying the child its child support — its psychological child support.
Warren Farrell
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Students coming from father-present families score higher in math and science even when they come from weaker schools.
Warren Farrell
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When a government subsidy deprives the child of its dad the government is really subsidizing child abuse.
Warren Farrell
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Programs like TANF (Temporary Assistance to Needy Families, formerly known as AFDC) and WIC (Women, Infants, and Children) subsidize the exclusion of dads. In effect, they create, as we have seen, future welfare recipients. Or tax spenders.
Warren Farrell
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Men will not change as long as women 'marry up.' Men won't change until we have a perspective on how powerless power makes us. A woman cannot help a man change until she has a perspective on how powerless power makes men.
Warren Farrell
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Men's pay paid women to love and nurture, to connect and feel. To be nurturer-connectors. In contrast, men received their pay by being some form of killer-protector. By becoming a human doing (a captain or a coal miner), not a human being (a person who feels happy or sad).
Warren Farrell
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The belief that women are discriminated against in the workplace reinforces a couple's tendency to have the woman stay at home. It is the tendency for women to stay at home that makes the workplace value her less. then, shortly after she is married, it begins to make sense for her to move for her husband's career, not for her husband to move for her career. Conversely, it makes sense for them to invest in his medical, law, or engineering degree—rather than hers... ironically, then, a reality has been created from a false reality. And, ironically, women's careers are hurt via comments meant to prod a society into helping women's careers. The road to hell is paved...
Warren Farrell
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Who causes war? War is caused by our primal fear of not surviving. This is a two-sex fear. And because the fear is so primal, we are easily seduced into exaggerating the evil intent of anyone [who] might threaten our survival. Why? One mistake of underestimating a threat could leave everyone wiped out; many mistakes of overestimating would just leave men wiped out.
Warren Farrell
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Creating fatherhood means creating a major psychological shift. Both sexes find it's difficult to fully share the psychological responsibility for the other sex's traditional role — especially when the other sex is around. – page 90.
Warren Farrell
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Here's the pay paradox that Why Men Earn More explains: Men earn more money, therefore men have more power; and men earn more money, therefore men have less power (earning more money as an obligation, not an option). The opposite is true for women: Women earn less money, therefore women have less power; and women earn less money, therefore women have more power (the option to raise children, or to not take a hazardous job).
Warren Farrell
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Quote of the day
In England, the profession of the law is that which seems to hold out the strongest attraction to talent, from the circumstance, that in it ability, coupled with exertion, even though unaided by patronage, cannot fail of obtaining reward.
Charles Babbage
Warren Farrell
Creative Commons
Born:
June 26, 1943
(age 81)
Bio:
Warren Thomas Farrell is an American educator, activist and author of seven books on men's and women's issues.
Known for:
The Myth of Male Power (1993)
Why Men Are the Way They Are (1986)
Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say (1998)
Most used words:
men
women
woman
children
male
love
power
money
child
work
time
pay
sexual
female
family
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