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Unemployment to a man is the psychological equivalent of rape to a woman.
Warren Farrell
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When we suggest that men are at the top because men discriminate, we miss the point. Men are at the top of the work hierarchy because work has been primarily men's responsibility.
Warren Farrell
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People who get higher pay are more willing to relocate—especially to undesirable locations at the company's behest... A corporate secretary may change companies in the same town; a corporate executive is more likely to change towns with the same company. A talented corporate secretary sees an invitation to relocate as an invitation; a future corporate executive sees an invitation to relocate as an opportunity—and an obligation.
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Only when a woman shares male risks can she really begin to understand men.
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While we call role models 'leaders', most 'leaders' are really followers. Most 'leaders' follow their bribes. And we are the people who offer the bribes. We in essence give men two bribes to risk their lives: pay and praise... A man who self-selects for a death profession expects his body to be used in exchange for pay. The unspoken motto of the death professions is 'My body, not my choice.'
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I would suggest that just as women who make it in the world of business need male business mentors, perhaps men who make it in the world of emotions will need female emotional mentors.
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Both parents' rights must be in balance so children can grow up with a balance between both parents.
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Listening in response to criticism mandates a shift in our internal psyche that marks perhaps the most important single evolutionary shift humans can make.
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By giving women training to sue a company for a 'hostile environment' if someone tells a dirty joke, we are training women to run to the Government as Substitute Husband (or Father). This gets companies to fear women, but not to respect women. The best preparation we can give women to succeed in the workplace is the preparation to overcome barriers rather than to sue: successful people don't sue, they succeed.
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Ideally there should not be a men's movement but a gender transition movement; only the power of the women's movement necessitates the temporary corrective of a men's movement. And this creates a special challenge for men: There are few political movements filled with healthy people, yet few healthy changes have occurred without political movements.
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Hazing is both testing and training to subordinate self to the team.
Warren Farrell
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When we give trust, we receive trust. And people who trust us pay attention to us.
Warren Farrell
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In post offices throughout the United States, Selective Service posters [reading "A Man's Gotta Do What A Man's Gotta Do] remind men that only they must register for the draft. If the Post Office had a poster saying "A Jew's Gotta Do What A Jew's Gotta Do..." or if "A Woman's Gotta Do..." were written across the body of a pregnant woman...
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Early feminists sensed this: they were strong opponents of protective legislation. They knew that as long as the princess was protected from the pea, women would be deprived of equality. The modern-day woman's 'pea under the mattress' is the rough spots in the workplace. When today's feminists are proponents of protective legislation, they oppose equality. Sexual harassment legislation is sexist because it makes only the man responsible for the male role in the sexual dance.
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The New England Journal of Medicine has recently reported that speaking about one's faults creates abnormalities in the pulsations of our heart. Tiny abnormalities? No. Abnormalities as great as those produced by riding a stationary bicycle to the point of either exhaustion or chest pain. Perhaps [the criticisms men exchange beginning with adolescence], then, contribute to men being four times more likely than women to suffer heart disease before age fifty. In essence, our sons might be practicing heart-disease training.
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During the past thirty years, the women's movement has supported women to express virtually every feeling women felt. To other women. To Men. To society. Women's feelings became course curriculum, women's studies, TV specials, talk shows, and Lifetime cable. Women's feelings were called both education and entertainment. Men's were repressed until they were called ulcers.
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Was it possible for the sexes to hear each other without saying, My powerlessness is greater than your powerlessness? It was becoming obvious each sex had a unique experience of both power and powerlessness. In my mind's eye I began to visualize a listening matrix as a framework within which we could hear these different experiences.
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In brief, when women batter, men's first priority is to support the women and help them change; when men batter, women's first priority is to escape the men and put them in prison.
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Somehow, women's romance novels are not titled He Stopped When I Said No. They are, though, titled Sweet Savage Love, in which the woman rejects the hand of her gentler lover who saves her from the rapist and marries the man who repeatedly and savagely rapes her. It is this marry the rapist theme that not only turned Sweet Savage Love into a best-seller but also into one of women's most enduring romance novels.
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The most frequent way men are raped by adult women is "birth control rape."
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Killing the criticizer, then, is part of our evolutionary past; listening in response to criticism is part of our evolutionary future.
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Our choice of partners is perhaps the clearest single statement of our choice of values. Therefore, when we blame our partner for anything, we should really be confronting ourselves. Not as in Yes, I made a bad choice, but as in How does this choice reflect my values?
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When I eat a meal, I think of all the people whose labor has contributed to my nourishment, and that thought nourishes my appreciation. I hope it nourishes you too.
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This is the first time in history that we've had this level of luxury, so we have a new opportunity to rethink the way we approach God.
Warren Farrell
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Self-help books for those who believe You can have it all often advise, Follow your bliss and money will follow. With the collapse of the stock markets the reality of trade-offs is more like, When you follow your bliss, it's money you'll miss.
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Most mothers want more of dad in their children's lives, not less.
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Helping men express feelings starts with understanding why men don't express them.
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As I looked more carefully at the listening matrix I saw that during the past twenty years we had taken a magnifying glass to the first of these four quadrants, the female experience of powerlessness. I saw I was subconsciously making a false assumption: The more deeply I understood women's experience of powerlessness, the more I assumed men had the power women did not have. In fact, what I was understanding was the female experience of male power.
Warren Farrell
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Men tuned into women but not tuned into their own hurts usually retained the attitude that women needed special protection.
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To me, God is the accumulated wisdom I've gathered throughout my life. When I pay attention, my body gives me a printout of this wisdom.
Warren Farrell
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Quote of the day
If one cannot command attention by one's admirable qualities at least one can be a nuisance.
Margery Allingham
Warren Farrell
Creative Commons
Born:
June 26, 1943
(age 81)
Bio:
Warren Thomas Farrell is an American educator, activist and author of seven books on men's and women's issues.
Known for:
The Myth of Male Power (1993)
Why Men Are the Way They Are (1986)
Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say (1998)
Most used words:
men
women
woman
children
male
love
power
money
child
work
time
pay
sexual
female
family
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