English Comedian Quotes

The last time I went back to a girl's house for an impromptu house party I spent most of the night straightening out rugs, putting down coasters and alphabetising DVDs while all around me people got off with whoever was closest and gradually headed off to various rooms to make more mess, no doubt.

Jon Richardson (comedian)

Life is a series of embarrassing moments which leave you feeling alone in your confusion and shame

On her hometown:

Erith isn't twinned with anywhere but it does have a suicide pact with Dagenham.

Comedy should never be over-analysed. It's either funny or it isn't. There's a subtle difference between those who say funny things and those who say things funny.

If you want to do something evil, put it inside something boring.

I'm just confusing the thrill of being young with the notion that the era in which I was young was in any way especially creative or remarkable.

I've got a fourteen minute act and a few bits and pieces I could string out to half an hour or so. What the hell am I to do?

After being booked a one-man show at The Crucible in Sheffield

When people say. 'Oh, would you rather be thought of as a funny man or a great boss?' My answer's always the same: to me they're not mutually exclusive.

David Brent as manager

If I were alive in Rubens's time, I'd be celebrated as a model. Kate Moss would be used as a paint brush.