English Comedian Quotes

The last time I went back to a girl's house for an impromptu house party I spent most of the night straightening out rugs, putting down coasters and alphabetising DVDs while all around me people got off with whoever was closest and gradually headed off to various rooms to make more mess, no doubt.

Jon Richardson (comedian)

Life is a series of embarrassing moments which leave you feeling alone in your confusion and shame

On her hometown:

Erith isn't twinned with anywhere but it does have a suicide pact with Dagenham.

Comedy should never be over-analysed. It's either funny or it isn't. There's a subtle difference between those who say funny things and those who say things funny.

… we were in a situation where, in the event of us launching a nuclear strike, the President's command would theoretically have gone through a man gambling with fake poker chips, who would've then tried to call a drunk guy wrestling with a Russian George Harrison, who would've then needed to send someone with a bag full of burritos to wake up an officer and tell him to go grab an LP-sized floppy disk and begin the solemn process of ending the world as we know it.

I'm just confusing the thrill of being young with the notion that the era in which I was young was in any way especially creative or remarkable.

I nearly missed the show tonight. I got to the Underground and saw this sign: 'Dogs must be carried on the escalators.' Took me forty minutes to find one.

When people say. 'Oh, would you rather be thought of as a funny man or a great boss?' My answer's always the same: to me they're not mutually exclusive.

David Brent as manager

If I were alive in Rubens's time, I'd be celebrated as a model. Kate Moss would be used as a paint brush.