Tina Fey Quotes

98 Sourced Quotes

What Turning Forty Means to Me I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn't used to have to do that. But now I do.

Tina Fey
No other formula gives your baby a better start in life except that stuff that comes out of you for free.

Tina Fey
I prefer the retro chic of spending Christmas just like Joseph and Mary did - Traveling arduously back to the place of your birth to be counted, with no guarantee of a bed when you get there.

Tina Fey
Tracy: Stop eating people's old french fries, little pigeon. Have some self-respect. Don't you know you can fly?

Tina Fey
The Rule of Agreement reminds you to respect what your partner has created and to at least start from an open-minded place. Start with a YES and see where that takes you.

Tina Fey
Many of the world's greatest discoveries have been by accident. I mean, look at the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, or Botox.

Tina Fey
The more New Yorkers like something, the more disgusted they are. "The kitchen was all Sub-Zero: I want to kill myself. The building has a playroom that makes you want to break your own jaw with a golf club. I can't take it.

Tina Fey
In my limited experience, shows are like children. You can teach them manners and dress them in little sailor suits, but in the end, they're going to be who they're going to be.

Tina Fey
The same ten minutes that magazines urge me to use for sit-ups and triceps dips, I used for sobbing.

Tina Fey
I think someone should design exercise machines that reward people with sex at the end of their workouts, because people will perform superhuman feats for even the faint hope of that.

Tina Fey
Thomas Jefferson—another gorgeous white boy who would not have been interested in me. This was my problem in a nutshell. To get some play in Charlottesville, you had to be either a Martha Jefferson or a Sally Hemings.

Tina Fey
Then she took out a speculum the size of a milk shake machine. Even Michelle Duggar would have flinched at this thing, but I had never seen one before.

Tina Fey
You can't be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.

Tina Fey
In real life these women experienced different sides of the same sexism coin. People who didn't like Hillary called her a ballbuster. People who didn't like Sarah called her Caribou Barbie. People attempted to marginalize these women based on their gender.

Tina Fey
It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don't like something, it is empirically not good. I don't like Chinese food, but I don't write articles trying to prove it doesn't exist.

Tina Fey
I was taken to an examining room where a big butch nurse practitioner came in and asked me if I was pregnant. No way! Was I sexually active? Nope! Had I ever been molested? Well, I said, trying to make a joke, Oprah says the only answers to that question are 'Yes' and 'I don't remember.' I laughed. We were having fun. The nurse looked at me, concerned/annoyed.

Tina Fey
[...] things most people do naturally are often inexplicably difficult for me.

Tina Fey
If you're looking for a spiritual allegory in the style of C.S. Lewis, I guess you could piece something together with Lorne Michaels as a symbol for God and my struggles with hair removal as a metaphor for virtue

Tina Fey
The topic of working moms is a tap-dance recital in a minefield.

Tina Fey
You're not in competition with other women. You're in competition with everyone.

Tina Fey
You know who DOES have a funny bone in her body? Your Mom every night for a dollar!

Tina Fey
It's no more dangerous to society than a radio broadcast of The War of the Worlds.

Tina Fey
In most cases being a good boss means hiring talented people and then getting out of their way.

Tina Fey
My parents raised me that you never ask people about their reproductive plans. You don't know their situation, my mom would say. I considered it such an impolite question that for years I didn't even ask myself. Thirty-five turned into forty faster than McDonald's food turns into cold nonfood.

Tina Fey
You must not look in that mirror at your doughy legs and flat feet, for today is about dreams and illusions, and unfiltered natural daylight is the enemy of dreams.

Tina Fey
I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft" is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.

Tina Fey
Feminists do the best Photoshop because they leave the meat on your bones. They don't change your size or your skin color. They leave in your disgusting knuckles, but they may take out some armpit stubble. Not because they're denying its existence, but because they understand that it's okay to make a photo look as if you were caught on your best day in the best light.

Tina Fey
I would not trade any of these features for anybody else's. I wouldn't trade the small thin-lipped mouth that makes me resemble my nephew. I wouldn't even trade the acne scar on my right cheek, because that recurring zit spent more time with me in college than any boy ever did.

Tina Fey
There was an assumption that I was personally attacking Sarah Palin by impersonating her on TV. No one ever said it was 'mean' when Chevy Chase played Gerald Ford falling down all the time. No one ever accused Dana Carvey or Darrell Hammond or Dan Aykroyd of 'going too far' in their political impressions. You see what I'm getting at here. I am not mean and Mrs. Palin is not fragile. To imply otherwise is a disservice to us both.

Tina Fey
MAKE STATEMENTS also applies to us women: Speak in statements instead of apologetic questions. No one wants to go to a doctor who says, I'm going to be your surgeon? I'm here to talk to you about your procedure? I was first in my class at Johns Hopkins, so? Make statements, with your actions and your voice.

Tina Fey