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I was taken to an examining room where a big butch nurse practitioner came in and asked me if I was pregnant. No way! Was I sexually active? Nope! Had I ever been molested? Well, I said, trying to make a joke, Oprah says the only answers to that question are 'Yes' and 'I don't remember.' I laughed. We were having fun. The nurse looked at me, concerned/annoyed.
Tina Fey
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[...] things most people do naturally are often inexplicably difficult for me.
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If you're looking for a spiritual allegory in the style of C.S. Lewis, I guess you could piece something together with Lorne Michaels as a symbol for God and my struggles with hair removal as a metaphor for virtue
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The topic of working moms is a tap-dance recital in a minefield.
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You're not in competition with other women. You're in competition with everyone.
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You know who DOES have a funny bone in her body? Your Mom every night for a dollar!
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It's no more dangerous to society than a radio broadcast of The War of the Worlds.
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In most cases being a good boss means hiring talented people and then getting out of their way.
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My parents raised me that you never ask people about their reproductive plans. You don't know their situation, my mom would say. I considered it such an impolite question that for years I didn't even ask myself. Thirty-five turned into forty faster than McDonald's food turns into cold nonfood.
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You must not look in that mirror at your doughy legs and flat feet, for today is about dreams and illusions, and unfiltered natural daylight is the enemy of dreams.
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I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft" is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.
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Feminists do the best Photoshop because they leave the meat on your bones. They don't change your size or your skin color. They leave in your disgusting knuckles, but they may take out some armpit stubble. Not because they're denying its existence, but because they understand that it's okay to make a photo look as if you were caught on your best day in the best light.
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I would not trade any of these features for anybody else's. I wouldn't trade the small thin-lipped mouth that makes me resemble my nephew. I wouldn't even trade the acne scar on my right cheek, because that recurring zit spent more time with me in college than any boy ever did.
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There was an assumption that I was personally attacking Sarah Palin by impersonating her on TV. No one ever said it was 'mean' when Chevy Chase played Gerald Ford falling down all the time. No one ever accused Dana Carvey or Darrell Hammond or Dan Aykroyd of 'going too far' in their political impressions. You see what I'm getting at here. I am not mean and Mrs. Palin is not fragile. To imply otherwise is a disservice to us both.
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MAKE STATEMENTS also applies to us women: Speak in statements instead of apologetic questions. No one wants to go to a doctor who says, I'm going to be your surgeon? I'm here to talk to you about your procedure? I was first in my class at Johns Hopkins, so? Make statements, with your actions and your voice.
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This worked out perfectly for me in college, because what nineteen-year-old Virginia boy doesn't want a wide-hipped, sarcastic Greek girl with short hair that's permed on top? What's that you say? None of them want that? You are correct.
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The music seems creepy, like when children sing in a horror movie
Tina Fey
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Gay people don't actually try to convert people. That's Jehovah's Witnesses you're thinking of.
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To say I'm an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.
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It is less dangerous to draw a cartoon of Allah French-kissing Uncle Sam — which, let me make it very clear, I have not done — than it is to speak honestly about [working moms].
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It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring on live TV.
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Am I just chasing it because it's the hardest thing for me to get and I want to prove I can do it?
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I felt like that character in Flowers for Algernon. Not Charlie, the lady teacher from the college who realizes, 'I've got to stop dry-humping this mentally challenged guy!
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Quote of the day
Autumn burned brightly, a running flame through the mountains, a torch flung to the trees.
Faith Baldwin
Tina Fey
Creative Commons
Born:
May 18, 1970
(age 53)
Bio:
Elizabeth Stamatina "Tina" Fey is an American actress, comedian, writer, and producer.
Known for:
Saturday Night Live (Since 1975)
30 Rock (2006 – 2013)
Mean Girls (2004)
Sisters (2015)
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (2016)
Most used words:
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