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I was wearing my best Gap turtleneck and my dates were two adult lesbians, so yea, I was pretty cool.
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The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes. Everyone else is struggling.
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It's not vanity, because if you look weird, it will distract from what your trying to do. If you look as good as you can, people will be able to pay attention to what your actually saying.
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Let's review the cost-free techniques that we've learned so far for raising an achievement-oriented, obedient, drug-free, virgin adult: Calamity, Praise, Local Theater, and flat feet. Another key element is "Strong Father Figure / Fear Thereof."
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Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am all about money. I mean, just look how well my line of zodiac-inspired toe rings and homeopathic children's medications are selling on Home Shopping Network.
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In my experience, the hardest thing about having someone "come out" to you is the "pretending to be surprised" part.
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I have a suspicion that the definition of "crazy" in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to f*** [sleep with her] anymore.
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Sleep when your baby sleeps. Everyone knows this classic tip, but I say why stop there? Scream when your baby screams. Take Benadryl when your baby takes Benadryl. And walk around pantless when your baby walks around pantless.
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That turned-up collar. The jacket that zipped all the way down the front into a nice fitted shape. The white denim that made my untanned skin look like a color.
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To me YES, AND means don't be afraid to contribute. Always make sure you're adding something to the discussion. Your initiations are worthwhile.
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Pissing in jars, they had never been handed a fifteen-year-old Kotex product by the school nurse. But they trusted me and Paula, so I'm proud to say we made
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When choosing sexual partners remember: Talent is not sexually transmittable.
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You can fix it as soon as you get up - you brush and use mouthwash - but there's something about knowing you woke up with hot-mothball mouth that makes you feel old. I think God designed our mouths to die first to help us slowly transition to the grave.
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Ah, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.
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Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don't just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.
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I keep my eyes on the sea, waiting to be rocketed into it on a wave of fire. I'll be ready for it to happen and that way it won't happen. It's a burden, being able to control situations with my hyper-vigilance, but its my lot in life.
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I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.
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One afternoon a girl walked by in a bikini and my cousin Janet scoffed, Look at the hips on her. I panicked. What about the hips? Were they too big? Too small? What were my hips? I didn't know hips could be a problem. I thought there was just fat or skinny. This was how I found out that there are an infinite number of things that can be incorrect on a woman's body.
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I had my hair in a ponytail and looked my trademark exhausted.
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(My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING.)
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So, my unsolicited advice to women in the workplace is this. When faced with sexism, or ageism, or lookism, or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: Is this person in between me and what I want to do? If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you're in charge, don't hire the people who were jerky to you.
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There is no one of-woman-born who does not like Red Lobster cheddar biscuits. Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar and a Socialist.
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It's like being a little kid again, parading around in a nightgown tucked into your underpants, believing it looks terrific.
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We should leave people alone about their weight. Being skinny for a while (provided you actually eat food and don't take pills or smoke to get there) is a perfectly fine pastime. Everyone should try it once, like a super-short haircut or dating a white guy.
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You all watched a sketch about feminism and you didn't even know it because of all the jokes. It's like when Jessica Seinfeld puts spinach in kids' brownies. Suckers!
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Quote of the day
Be a sinner and sin strongly, but more strongly have faith and rejoice in Christ.
Martin Luther
Tina Fey
Creative Commons
Born:
May 18, 1970
(age 53)
Bio:
Elizabeth Stamatina "Tina" Fey is an American actress, comedian, writer, and producer.
Known for:
Saturday Night Live (Since 1975)
30 Rock (2006 – 2013)
Mean Girls (2004)
Sisters (2015)
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot (2016)
Most used words:
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time
women
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Tina Fey on Wikipedia
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