Tina Fey Quotes

98 Sourced Quotes

In my experience, the hardest thing about having someone "come out" to you is the "pretending to be surprised" part.

Tina Fey
I have a suspicion that the definition of "crazy" in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to f*** [sleep with her] anymore.

Tina Fey
Sleep when your baby sleeps. Everyone knows this classic tip, but I say why stop there? Scream when your baby screams. Take Benadryl when your baby takes Benadryl. And walk around pantless when your baby walks around pantless.

Tina Fey
That turned-up collar. The jacket that zipped all the way down the front into a nice fitted shape. The white denim that made my untanned skin look like a color.

Tina Fey
To me YES, AND means don't be afraid to contribute. Always make sure you're adding something to the discussion. Your initiations are worthwhile.

Tina Fey
Pissing in jars, they had never been handed a fifteen-year-old Kotex product by the school nurse. But they trusted me and Paula, so I'm proud to say we made

Tina Fey
When choosing sexual partners remember: Talent is not sexually transmittable.

Tina Fey
You can fix it as soon as you get up - you brush and use mouthwash - but there's something about knowing you woke up with hot-mothball mouth that makes you feel old. I think God designed our mouths to die first to help us slowly transition to the grave.

Tina Fey
Ah, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.

Tina Fey
Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don't just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.

Tina Fey
I keep my eyes on the sea, waiting to be rocketed into it on a wave of fire. I'll be ready for it to happen and that way it won't happen. It's a burden, being able to control situations with my hyper-vigilance, but its my lot in life.

Tina Fey
I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.

Tina Fey
One afternoon a girl walked by in a bikini and my cousin Janet scoffed, Look at the hips on her. I panicked. What about the hips? Were they too big? Too small? What were my hips? I didn't know hips could be a problem. I thought there was just fat or skinny. This was how I found out that there are an infinite number of things that can be incorrect on a woman's body.

Tina Fey
I had my hair in a ponytail and looked my trademark exhausted.

Tina Fey
(My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING.)

Tina Fey
So, my unsolicited advice to women in the workplace is this. When faced with sexism, or ageism, or lookism, or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: Is this person in between me and what I want to do? If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you're in charge, don't hire the people who were jerky to you.

Tina Fey
There is no one of-woman-born who does not like Red Lobster cheddar biscuits. Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar and a Socialist.

Tina Fey
It's like being a little kid again, parading around in a nightgown tucked into your underpants, believing it looks terrific.

Tina Fey
We should leave people alone about their weight. Being skinny for a while (provided you actually eat food and don't take pills or smoke to get there) is a perfectly fine pastime. Everyone should try it once, like a super-short haircut or dating a white guy.

Tina Fey
You all watched a sketch about feminism and you didn't even know it because of all the jokes. It's like when Jessica Seinfeld puts spinach in kids' brownies. Suckers!

Tina Fey
Don't waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions; go over, under, through, and opinions will change organically when you're the boss. Or they won't. Who cares? Do your thing, and don't care if they like it.

Tina Fey
When hiring, mix Harvard Nerds with Chicago Improvisers and stir.

Tina Fey
A Harvard medical school study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature. Plus it really teaches the baby who's boss.

Tina Fey
Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff? I'm not one of those fancy Harvard heart surgeons. I'm just an unlicensed plumber with a dream and I'd like to cut your chest open. The crowd cheers.

Tina Fey
Some people say, Never let them see you cry. I say, if you're so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.

Tina Fey
If you are a woman and you bought this book for practical tips on how to make it in a male-dominated workplace, here they are. No pigtails, no tube tops. Cry sparingly. (Some people say Never let them see you cry. I say, if you're so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.)

Tina Fey
Finally the world would see my full range of comedy characters - from grouchy librarian to Russian librarian.

Tina Fey
A wise friend once told me, 'Don't wear what fashion designers tell you to wear. Wear what they wear.'

Tina Fey
It's the same reason I don't get Hooters. Why do we need to enjoy chicken wings and boobies at the same time? Yes, they are a natural and beautiful part of the human experience. And so are boobies. But why at the same time?

Tina Fey
This requires a level of delusion/egomania usually reserved for popes and drag queens

Tina Fey