Scott Adams Quotes

92 Sourced Quotes

The people who think a guy walked on water versus the people who think a horse can fly.

Scott Adams
Some physicists describe gravity in terms of ten dimensions all curled up. But those aren't real words-just placeholders, used to refer to parts of abstract equations.

Scott Adams
God designs people's emotions so you fall in love with people who, in return, wouldn't even use your hollowed-out skull for a spittoon.

Scott Adams
The surest way to identify those who won't succeed at weight loss is that they tend to say things like "My goal is to lose ten pounds." Weight targets often work in the short run. But if you need willpower to keep the weight off, you're doomed in the long run. The only way to succeed in the long run is by using a system that bypasses your need for willpower.

Scott Adams
Your inability to see other possibilities and your lack of vocabulary are your brain's limits, not the universe's.

Scott Adams
Everyone says there's a lack of leadership in the world these days. I think we should all be thankful, because the only reason for leadership is to convince people to do things that are either dangerous (like invading another country) or stupid (working extra hard without extra pay).

Scott Adams
Everything you learn becomes a shortcut for understanding something else.

Scott Adams
As a rule, I don't like to laugh at the misfortune of others. The exception to that rule is if it's really, really funny.

Scott Adams
In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It's called Karoshi. I don't want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.

Scott Adams
I can't bring myself to believe in a God with a personality like my own. I base that on the paucity of lightning attacks on people who deserve it.

Scott Adams
People are so conditioned to take sides that a balanced analysis looks to them like hatred.

Scott Adams
I was surprised to learn that doing household chores qualifies as romantic for most of you [women]. That's exactly why you should never hire a butler if you strike it rich - the minute that Jeeves starts unloading the dishwasher without being asked, your wife is going to start humping his leg.

Scott Adams
Frankly, I'm suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.

Scott Adams
We expect others to act rationally even though we are irrational.

Scott Adams
I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral.

Scott Adams
Scientists often invent words to fill the holes in their understanding.These words are meant as conveniences until real understanding can be found.... Words such as dimension and field and infinity... are not descriptions of reality, yet we accept them as such because everyone is sure someone else knows what the words mean.

Scott Adams
No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.

Scott Adams
I believe in karma... that means i can do bad things to you all day long and assume you deserve it.

Scott Adams
He changed more times than a baby in a beer-drinking contest.

Scott Adams
Everyone, including skeptics, will generate delusions that match their views. That is how a normal and healthy brain works. Skeptics are not exempt from self-delusion.

Scott Adams
The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up.

Scott Adams
The biggest issue in this election is something called flip-flopping, and all candidates are accused of doing it. A strong leader is expected to maintain steadfast resolve in his opinion even if the environment changes or he gets new information. In any other context, that would be considered the first sign of a brain tumor. When presidents do it, it's called leadership, and frankly, we can't get enough of it.

Scott Adams
Biblical scholars tell us that this is the same meal that Jesus ate at the last supper. But hey, I'm sure you have a good reason for ordering something else.

Scott Adams
There's a gigantic gray area between good moral behavior and outright felonious activities. I call that the Weasel Zone and it's where most of life happens.

Scott Adams
Stacey puts a little love in each pasta shell. But it's self-love, so it won't help you that much.

Scott Adams