Scott Adams Quotes

92 Sourced Quotes

Everyone says there's a lack of leadership in the world these days. I think we should all be thankful, because the only reason for leadership is to convince people to do things that are either dangerous (like invading another country) or stupid (working extra hard without extra pay).

Scott Adams
Everything you learn becomes a shortcut for understanding something else.

Scott Adams
As a rule, I don't like to laugh at the misfortune of others. The exception to that rule is if it's really, really funny.

Scott Adams
In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It's called Karoshi. I don't want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.

Scott Adams
I can't bring myself to believe in a God with a personality like my own. I base that on the paucity of lightning attacks on people who deserve it.

Scott Adams
People are so conditioned to take sides that a balanced analysis looks to them like hatred.

Scott Adams
I was surprised to learn that doing household chores qualifies as romantic for most of you [women]. That's exactly why you should never hire a butler if you strike it rich - the minute that Jeeves starts unloading the dishwasher without being asked, your wife is going to start humping his leg.

Scott Adams
Frankly, I'm suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.

Scott Adams
We expect others to act rationally even though we are irrational.

Scott Adams
I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral.

Scott Adams
Scientists often invent words to fill the holes in their understanding.These words are meant as conveniences until real understanding can be found.... Words such as dimension and field and infinity... are not descriptions of reality, yet we accept them as such because everyone is sure someone else knows what the words mean.

Scott Adams
No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.

Scott Adams
I believe in karma... that means i can do bad things to you all day long and assume you deserve it.

Scott Adams
He changed more times than a baby in a beer-drinking contest.

Scott Adams
Everyone, including skeptics, will generate delusions that match their views. That is how a normal and healthy brain works. Skeptics are not exempt from self-delusion.

Scott Adams
The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up.

Scott Adams
The biggest issue in this election is something called flip-flopping, and all candidates are accused of doing it. A strong leader is expected to maintain steadfast resolve in his opinion even if the environment changes or he gets new information. In any other context, that would be considered the first sign of a brain tumor. When presidents do it, it's called leadership, and frankly, we can't get enough of it.

Scott Adams
Biblical scholars tell us that this is the same meal that Jesus ate at the last supper. But hey, I'm sure you have a good reason for ordering something else.

Scott Adams
There's a gigantic gray area between good moral behavior and outright felonious activities. I call that the Weasel Zone and it's where most of life happens.

Scott Adams
Stacey puts a little love in each pasta shell. But it's self-love, so it won't help you that much.

Scott Adams
The marketing department uses many advanced techniques to match products and buyers in a way that maximizes profits. For example, they give away keychains.

Scott Adams
Our salmon sandwiches are so good you'll want to swim upstream to our kitchen and spawn. But please don't.

Scott Adams
If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.

Scott Adams
The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.

Scott Adams
There's nothing more humbling than seeing your best quotes in a list, and thinking they could have been written by a coma patient with a keyboard and spasms.

Scott Adams
The job isn't done until you've blamed someone for the parts that went wrong.

Scott Adams
If an economist uses a complicated model to predict just about anything, you can ignore it. By analogy, a doctor can't tell you the exact date of your death in 50 years. But if a doctor tells you to eat less and exercise more, that's good advice even if you later get hit by a bus. Along those same lines, economists can give useful general advice on the economy, even if you know there will be surprises. Still, be skeptical.

Scott Adams
Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. — Dogbert's Motto

Scott Adams
Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.

Scott Adams
If you spend all your time arguing with people who are nuts, you'll be exhausted and the nuts will still be nuts.

Scott Adams