Scott Adams Quotes

92 Sourced Quotes

All great ideas look like bad ideas to people who are losers. It's always good to test a new idea with known losers to make sure they don't like it.

Scott Adams
Mission Statement: A long awkward sentence that demonstrates management's inability to think clearly.

Scott Adams
Years later, when "Dilbert" was in thousands of newspapers, people often asked me if I ever imagined being so lucky. I usually said no, because that's the answer people expected. The truth is that I imagined every bit of good fortune that has come my way. But in my imagination I also invented a belt that would allow me to fly and had special permission from Congress to urinate like a bird wherever I wanted. I wake up every morning disappointed that I have to wear pants and walk. Imagination has a way of breeding disappointment.

Scott Adams
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.

Scott Adams
This sandwich used to include endive, but no one wanted to eat a BELT.

Scott Adams
Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.

Scott Adams
Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Scott Adams
Ask a deeply religious Christian if he'd rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don't seem so bad lately.

Scott Adams
Intelligence is a measure of how well you function within your level of awareness.

Scott Adams
The human mind is a delusion generator, not a window to truth.

Scott Adams
You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.

Scott Adams
Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

Scott Adams
There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with the proper application of fonts and color.

Scott Adams
If you have questions about this salad, give your server the spinach inquisition.

Scott Adams
If there is one thing that our role models in this election have taught us, it's that omitting important information is completely different from lying.

Scott Adams
Every generation of humans believed it had all the answers it needed, except for a few mysteries they assumed would be solved at any moment. And they all believed their ancestors were simplistic and deluded. What are the odds that you are the first generation of humans who will understand reality?

Scott Adams
The best you can hope for in a relationship is to find someone whose flaws are the sort you don't mind. It is futile to look for someone who has no flaws, or someone who is capable of significant change; that sort of person exists only in our imaginations.

Scott Adams
Named after the great romaine emperor, Julius Salad.

Scott Adams
The main difference between marketing and fraud is that criminals have to pay for their own alcohol.

Scott Adams
You might think the word homemade is just a word we use as a marketing ploy. But what you don't realize is that the staff sleeps here at night. If your tablecloth is wrinkled, that's why.

Scott Adams
The best any human can do is to pick a delusion that helps him get through the day

Scott Adams
If you think it's easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you've probably never tried.

Scott Adams
The world isn't fair, but as long as it's tilting in my direction I find that there's a natural cap to my righteous indignation.

Scott Adams
If our mushrooms make you hallucinate, please inform us immediately so we can overcharge you.

Scott Adams
We use only the finest days of the week in this dish.

Scott Adams
Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.

Scott Adams
As you know, the best way to solve a problem is to identify the core belief that causes the problem; then mock that belief until the people who hold it insist that you heard them wrong.

Scott Adams
If you don't believe your salmon is wild, ask it to fetch your newspaper and see what happens.

Scott Adams
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

Scott Adams
Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.

Scott Adams