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I can't bring myself to believe in a God with a personality like my own. I base that on the paucity of lightning attacks on people who deserve it.
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Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
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We use only the finest days of the week in this dish.
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The surest way to identify those who won't succeed at weight loss is that they tend to say things like "My goal is to lose ten pounds." Weight targets often work in the short run. But if you need willpower to keep the weight off, you're doomed in the long run. The only way to succeed in the long run is by using a system that bypasses your need for willpower.
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We expect others to act rationally even though we are irrational.
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The job isn't done until you've blamed someone for the parts that went wrong.
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Caring about the quality of your work causes stress. Stress can kill you. Maintain good health by remembering that the stockholders are complete strangers who have never done anything for you.
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For our purposes, let's say a goal is a specific objective that you either achieve or don't sometime in the future. A system is something you do on a regular basis that increases your odds of happiness in the long run. If you do something every day, it's a system. If you're waiting to achieve it someday in the future, it's a goal.
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Decisions are made by people who have time, not people who have talent.
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Biblical scholars tell us that this is the same meal that Jesus ate at the last supper. But hey, I'm sure you have a good reason for ordering something else.
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As a rule, I don't like to laugh at the misfortune of others. The exception to that rule is if it's really, really funny.
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These days it seems like any idiot with a laptop computer can churn out a business book and make a few bucks. That's certainly what I'm hoping. It would be a real letdown if the trend changed before this masterpiece goes to print.
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Mission Statement: A long awkward sentence that demonstrates management's inability to think clearly.
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The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up.
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If you have questions about this salad, give your server the spinach inquisition.
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No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.
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Everyone, including skeptics, will generate delusions that match their views. That is how a normal and healthy brain works. Skeptics are not exempt from self-delusion.
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If you spend all your time arguing with people who are nuts, you'll be exhausted and the nuts will still be nuts.
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Focus groups are people who are selected on the basis of their inexplicable free time and their common love of free sandwiches.
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A person with a flexible schedule and average resources will be happier than a rich person who has everything except a flexible schedule. Step one in your search for happiness is to continually work toward having control of your schedule.
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There's a gigantic gray area between good moral behavior and outright felonious activities. I call that the Weasel Zone and it's where most of life happens.
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God designs people's emotions so you fall in love with people who, in return, wouldn't even use your hollowed-out skull for a spittoon.
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The people who think a guy walked on water versus the people who think a horse can fly.
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If our mushrooms make you hallucinate, please inform us immediately so we can overcharge you.
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Your inability to see other possibilities and your lack of vocabulary are your brain's limits, not the universe's.
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Quote of the day
Talent, like beauty, to be pardoned, must be obscure and unostentatious.
Marguerite Gardiner, Countess of Blessington
Scott Adams
Born:
June 8, 1957
(age 65)
Bio:
Scott Raymond Adams is an American cartoonist, creator of the Dilbert comic strip and the author of several nonfiction works of satire, commentary, business, and general speculation.
Known for:
God's Debris (2001)
The Religion War (2004)
Dilbert (1996)
Dogbert's Top Secret Management Handbook (1996)
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