Scott Adams Quotes

92 Sourced Quotes

I can't bring myself to believe in a God with a personality like my own. I base that on the paucity of lightning attacks on people who deserve it.

Scott Adams
Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.

Scott Adams
We use only the finest days of the week in this dish.

Scott Adams
The surest way to identify those who won't succeed at weight loss is that they tend to say things like "My goal is to lose ten pounds." Weight targets often work in the short run. But if you need willpower to keep the weight off, you're doomed in the long run. The only way to succeed in the long run is by using a system that bypasses your need for willpower.

Scott Adams
We expect others to act rationally even though we are irrational.

Scott Adams
The job isn't done until you've blamed someone for the parts that went wrong.

Scott Adams
Caring about the quality of your work causes stress. Stress can kill you. Maintain good health by remembering that the stockholders are complete strangers who have never done anything for you.

Scott Adams
For our purposes, let's say a goal is a specific objective that you either achieve or don't sometime in the future. A system is something you do on a regular basis that increases your odds of happiness in the long run. If you do something every day, it's a system. If you're waiting to achieve it someday in the future, it's a goal.

Scott Adams
Decisions are made by people who have time, not people who have talent.

Scott Adams
Biblical scholars tell us that this is the same meal that Jesus ate at the last supper. But hey, I'm sure you have a good reason for ordering something else.

Scott Adams
As a rule, I don't like to laugh at the misfortune of others. The exception to that rule is if it's really, really funny.

Scott Adams
These days it seems like any idiot with a laptop computer can churn out a business book and make a few bucks. That's certainly what I'm hoping. It would be a real letdown if the trend changed before this masterpiece goes to print.

Scott Adams
Mission Statement: A long awkward sentence that demonstrates management's inability to think clearly.

Scott Adams
The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up.

Scott Adams
If you have questions about this salad, give your server the spinach inquisition.

Scott Adams
No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.

Scott Adams
Everyone, including skeptics, will generate delusions that match their views. That is how a normal and healthy brain works. Skeptics are not exempt from self-delusion.

Scott Adams
If you spend all your time arguing with people who are nuts, you'll be exhausted and the nuts will still be nuts.

Scott Adams
Focus groups are people who are selected on the basis of their inexplicable free time and their common love of free sandwiches.

Scott Adams
A person with a flexible schedule and average resources will be happier than a rich person who has everything except a flexible schedule. Step one in your search for happiness is to continually work toward having control of your schedule.

Scott Adams
There's a gigantic gray area between good moral behavior and outright felonious activities. I call that the Weasel Zone and it's where most of life happens.

Scott Adams
God designs people's emotions so you fall in love with people who, in return, wouldn't even use your hollowed-out skull for a spittoon.

Scott Adams
The people who think a guy walked on water versus the people who think a horse can fly.

Scott Adams
If our mushrooms make you hallucinate, please inform us immediately so we can overcharge you.

Scott Adams
Your inability to see other possibilities and your lack of vocabulary are your brain's limits, not the universe's.

Scott Adams