Scott Adams Quotes

92 Sourced Quotes

We're a planet of nearly six billion ninnies living in a civilization that was designed by a few thousand amazingly smart deviants.

Scott Adams
Some physicists describe gravity in terms of ten dimensions all curled up. But those aren't real words-just placeholders, used to refer to parts of abstract equations.

Scott Adams
Everyone says there's a lack of leadership in the world these days. I think we should all be thankful, because the only reason for leadership is to convince people to do things that are either dangerous (like invading another country) or stupid (working extra hard without extra pay).

Scott Adams
Everything you learn becomes a shortcut for understanding something else.

Scott Adams
As a rule, I don't like to laugh at the misfortune of others. The exception to that rule is if it's really, really funny.

Scott Adams
In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It's called Karoshi. I don't want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.

Scott Adams
I can't bring myself to believe in a God with a personality like my own. I base that on the paucity of lightning attacks on people who deserve it.

Scott Adams
Your inability to see other possibilities and your lack of vocabulary are your brain's limits, not the universe's.

Scott Adams
Decisions are made by people who have time, not people who have talent.

Scott Adams
You already barely exist. Disappearing entirely won't be that much of a change.

Scott Adams
A person with a flexible schedule and average resources will be happier than a rich person who has everything except a flexible schedule. Step one in your search for happiness is to continually work toward having control of your schedule.

Scott Adams
The maintenance man is moving the thermostat in our office today. I started talking with him about the

Scott Adams
I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be in favor of all the things that were decided over 200 years ago by a bunch of slave-owning cross-dressers who pooped in holes.

Scott Adams
Reporters are faced with the daily choice of painstakingly researching stories or writing whatever people tell them. Both approaches pay the same.

Scott Adams
Lately, the only thing keeping me from being a serial killer is my distaste for manual labor.

Scott Adams
You probably think Stephen Hawking is in that wheelchair because of a motor neuron disease. But if you got as much barely-legal student poontang as The Hawkster, you'd be in a wheelchair too.

Scott Adams
Good advertising can make people buy your product even if it sucks... A dollar spent on brainwashing is more cost-effective than a dollar spent on product improvement.

Scott Adams
This dish might not turn you into a syndicated cartoonist, but whatever you're doing now probably isn't working either.

Scott Adams
Caring about the quality of your work causes stress. Stress can kill you. Maintain good health by remembering that the stockholders are complete strangers who have never done anything for you.

Scott Adams
The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.

Scott Adams
Just because no one has ever gotten better from Spasmodic Dysphonia before doesn't mean I can't be the first.

Scott Adams
The Dilbert Principle: The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage - Management.

Scott Adams
Focus groups are people who are selected on the basis of their inexplicable free time and their common love of free sandwiches.

Scott Adams
Hard work is rewarding. Taking credit for other people's hard work is rewarding and faster.

Scott Adams
Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.

Scott Adams
Our scallops are so delicious your mouth will thank you, which is creepy because your mouth can actually talk.

Scott Adams
My philosophy is that every phone conversation has a loser.

Scott Adams
These days it seems like any idiot with a laptop computer can churn out a business book and make a few bucks. That's certainly what I'm hoping. It would be a real letdown if the trend changed before this masterpiece goes to print.

Scott Adams
We know the goats are imported because they don't speak English.

Scott Adams
They say that dogs lick their own genitalia because they can. But I think it's at least partially because they don't have the Internet.

Scott Adams