Kevin Hearne Quotes

56 Sourced Quotes

There are many perks to living for twenty-one centuries, and foremost among them is bearing witness to the rare birth of genius. It invariably goes like this: Someone shrugs off the weight of his cultural traditions, ignores the baleful stares of authority, and does something his countrymen think to be completely batshit insane. Of those, Galileo was my personal favorite. Van Gogh comes in second, but he really was batshit insane.

Kevin Hearne
I hoped you would consider it seriously instead of laughing at it.' 'Mr. Chamkanni said much the same thing in bed the first night home from the hospital

Kevin Hearne
He was a god of rock. He nearly solved all the world's problems with nothing but power chords and anguished cries into a microphone.

Kevin Hearne
She's kind of like a Mary Poppins just before she turns to the dark side of the Force," Oberon said. He was still behind the counter, but he had a good lok at her as she exited. "Let go of your anger, Malina! There's still good in you! The Emperor hasn't driven it from you fully!

Kevin Hearne
She switched from ecstasy to embarrassment at about Mach five.

Kevin Hearne
She didn't go all fangirl on anyone, but I suspect that's only because none of them bore the slightest resemblance to Nathan Fillion.

Kevin Hearne
I had privately changed 'This, too, shall pass' into 'You, too, shall die'.

Kevin Hearne
Wisdom eludes me yet, but foolishness I captured long ago and to this day it is my constant companion, though many people consider me wise.

Kevin Hearne
Flidais clapped her hands in delight. "Oh, I bet he nearly shat kine!" That made me laugh - I hadn't heard that expression in a long, long time. I refrained from telling her that the modern expression would be "he had a cow", because I liked the original better. "Yes, the kine he nearly shat would have fed several clans.

Kevin Hearne
Malina looked incredulous. "Are you anything more than a Druid?" "Of course I am. I own this shop and I play a mean game of chess, and I've been told that I'm a frakkin' Cylon." "What's a frakkin' Cylon?" "I don't know, but it sounds really scary when you say it with a Polish Accent.

Kevin Hearne
That's what a skinwalker is: a mean asshole with a meaner spirit squatting inside. "I've run into some of those at the dog park," Oberon said. "They're usually attached to Chihuahuas.

Kevin Hearne
Wooo!' he said, slamming his shot glass down and coughing a bit. 'That's good stuff.' I agreed heartily. 'Shall we do another one?' I asked. 'Oh no,' Jesus said quietly, his eyes growing round. 'This is one of those situations where I have to stop and ask myself, what would I do?

Kevin Hearne
Oh, I know. They're dwarfs pretending to be elves. No, they're not dwarfs either. Okay, okay, they're little people, I'm sorry! Can't believe I have to be politically correct when you're the only one who can hear me.

Kevin Hearne
The royal hound's belly demands rubbing. Step lively, humans, neglect me not.
Oberon speaking

Kevin Hearne
When he said to give him the sword, I don't think he meant for you to stick it in his guts.

Kevin Hearne
Thank you, Morrigan. This is very helpful, I said, already feeling myself warming up. And delivered to me entirely without pain. The Morrigan sucker-punched me hard in the face, sending me sprawling in the snow and breaking my nose. You spoke too soon and with entirely too much sarcasm, she said. We could have parted with a kiss. Remember that....

Kevin Hearne
The point is, Mrs. MacDonagh, that the universe is exactly the size that your soul can encompass. Some people live in extremely small worlds, and some live in a world of infinite possibility.

Kevin Hearne
There is always a price to pay for badassery. Neo was a badass in the Matrix and the Matrix Reloaded, but the price he had to pay was The Matrix Revolutions.

Kevin Hearne
We banked around until we found a rainbow in the dark. It was on this occasion that I discovered that Granuaile had never heard of Ronnie James Dio. My shock at this news was such that I almost completely missed the fact that we were traveling on Bifrost, the rainbow bridge to Asgard.

Kevin Hearne
There are some sights that, once seen, can never be unseen. They replay themselves on a loop in your mind's home-theatre system with Dolby surround sound until you're so desperate to be rid of them that you'll resort to other loops simply to dislodge them for a while.

Kevin Hearne
As any war veteran will tell you, there is a vast difference between preparing for battle and actually facing battle for the first time. You can be told that reading Victor Hugo will sap your will to live, but you can't understand what it means until you've read a few chapters and your eyes are glazed over and someone has to revive you with a defibrillator.

Kevin Hearne
Yer a good lad, Atticus, mowin' me lawn and killin' what Brits come around.

Kevin Hearne
Aw, no. You're taking us to that vegetarian place, aren't you? It's a coffee place. You can't just automatically classify anything that isn't a steak house as vegetarian. Yes, I can. This is America. You said Americans assert their own opinions as if they were facts and dismiss inconvenient facts as mere opinions.

Kevin Hearne
I had my own dump truck of bad karma waiting for me somewhere ahwad. I had certainly earned it, but I raced to avoid it if I could; there was no way I wanted to fell that.

Kevin Hearne
Depression is a prison to which you have the key except you never think to look for it.

Kevin Hearne
Whoa. He had ghouls on speed dial. My lawyer kicks so much ass.

Kevin Hearne
I would never behave with so little dignity. Nor would I wish to be confronted in such a manner by anyone else. Vampires inspire screams, not squees. Involuntary urination is common, I grant, but it properly flows from a sense of terror, not an ecstatic sense of hero worship.

Kevin Hearne
Let me tell you, people go on and on about what a great idea electricity was, but I'm going to put toilet paper right next to the wheel and say those are the best ideas anyone's ever had. Scoff at it if you will, but try living for two millennia without it and then we'll talk.

Kevin Hearne
No, she knows you're here. She can see through the camouflage. But I think she's hiding something from me, and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Never mind. Just listen. Once she drinks the tea, she will try ot surprise me with something. She is waiting for the contrast to be fully in effect before she says anything. I knew I never should have let you watch The Wizard of Oz.

Kevin Hearne
Yes and I appreciate it. But this is going to be difficult enough without running my words through a filter of illiteracy.

Kevin Hearne