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Oh, I know. They're dwarfs pretending to be elves. No, they're not dwarfs either. Okay, okay, they're little people, I'm sorry! Can't believe I have to be politically correct when you're the only one who can hear me.
Kevin Hearne
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Thank you, Morrigan. This is very helpful, I said, already feeling myself warming up. And delivered to me entirely without pain. The Morrigan sucker-punched me hard in the face, sending me sprawling in the snow and breaking my nose. You spoke too soon and with entirely too much sarcasm, she said. We could have parted with a kiss. Remember that....
Kevin Hearne
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We banked around until we found a rainbow in the dark. It was on this occasion that I discovered that Granuaile had never heard of Ronnie James Dio. My shock at this news was such that I almost completely missed the fact that we were traveling on Bifrost, the rainbow bridge to Asgard.
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There is always a price to pay for badassery. Neo was a badass in the Matrix and the Matrix Reloaded, but the price he had to pay was The Matrix Revolutions.
Kevin Hearne
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The point is, Mrs. MacDonagh, that the universe is exactly the size that your soul can encompass. Some people live in extremely small worlds, and some live in a world of infinite possibility.
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Aw, no. You're taking us to that vegetarian place, aren't you? It's a coffee place. You can't just automatically classify anything that isn't a steak house as vegetarian. Yes, I can. This is America. You said Americans assert their own opinions as if they were facts and dismiss inconvenient facts as mere opinions.
Kevin Hearne
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I had my own dump truck of bad karma waiting for me somewhere ahwad. I had certainly earned it, but I raced to avoid it if I could; there was no way I wanted to fell that.
Kevin Hearne
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Depression is a prison to which you have the key except you never think to look for it.
Kevin Hearne
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Whoa. He had ghouls on speed dial. My lawyer kicks so much ass.
Kevin Hearne
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I would never behave with so little dignity. Nor would I wish to be confronted in such a manner by anyone else. Vampires inspire screams, not squees. Involuntary urination is common, I grant, but it properly flows from a sense of terror, not an ecstatic sense of hero worship.
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Let me tell you, people go on and on about what a great idea electricity was, but I'm going to put toilet paper right next to the wheel and say those are the best ideas anyone's ever had. Scoff at it if you will, but try living for two millennia without it and then we'll talk.
Kevin Hearne
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Yer a good lad, Atticus, mowin' me lawn and killin' what Brits come around.
Kevin Hearne
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The royal hound's belly demands rubbing. Step lively, humans, neglect me not.
Oberon speaking
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There are many perks to living for twenty-one centuries, and foremost among them is bearing witness to the rare birth of genius. It invariably goes like this: Someone shrugs off the weight of his cultural traditions, ignores the baleful stares of authority, and does something his countrymen think to be completely batshit insane. Of those, Galileo was my personal favorite. Van Gogh comes in second, but he really was batshit insane.
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Wooo!' he said, slamming his shot glass down and coughing a bit. 'That's good stuff.' I agreed heartily. 'Shall we do another one?' I asked. 'Oh no,' Jesus said quietly, his eyes growing round. 'This is one of those situations where I have to stop and ask myself, what would I do?
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That's what a skinwalker is: a mean asshole with a meaner spirit squatting inside. "I've run into some of those at the dog park," Oberon said. "They're usually attached to Chihuahuas.
Kevin Hearne
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Malina looked incredulous. "Are you anything more than a Druid?" "Of course I am. I own this shop and I play a mean game of chess, and I've been told that I'm a frakkin' Cylon." "What's a frakkin' Cylon?" "I don't know, but it sounds really scary when you say it with a Polish Accent.
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Flidais clapped her hands in delight. "Oh, I bet he nearly shat kine!" That made me laugh - I hadn't heard that expression in a long, long time. I refrained from telling her that the modern expression would be "he had a cow", because I liked the original better. "Yes, the kine he nearly shat would have fed several clans.
Kevin Hearne
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Wisdom eludes me yet, but foolishness I captured long ago and to this day it is my constant companion, though many people consider me wise.
Kevin Hearne
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I had privately changed 'This, too, shall pass' into 'You, too, shall die'.
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She didn't go all fangirl on anyone, but I suspect that's only because none of them bore the slightest resemblance to Nathan Fillion.
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She switched from ecstasy to embarrassment at about Mach five.
Kevin Hearne
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She's kind of like a Mary Poppins just before she turns to the dark side of the Force," Oberon said. He was still behind the counter, but he had a good lok at her as she exited. "Let go of your anger, Malina! There's still good in you! The Emperor hasn't driven it from you fully!
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He was a god of rock. He nearly solved all the world's problems with nothing but power chords and anguished cries into a microphone.
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I hoped you would consider it seriously instead of laughing at it.' 'Mr. Chamkanni said much the same thing in bed the first night home from the hospital
Kevin Hearne
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Quote of the day
No written law has ever been more binding than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
Carrie Chapman Catt
Kevin Hearne
Born:
1970
(age 54)
Bio:
Kevin Hearne is an American urban fantasy novelist born and raised in Arizona.
Known for:
Hounded (2011)
Hexed (2011)
Tricked (2012)
Staked (2016)
Shattered (2014)
Most used words:
eyes
people
atticus
oberon
shot
matrix
vegetarian
live
jesus
bacon
shat
icy
time
completely
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