Kevin Hearne Short Quotes

25 Sourced Quotes

View all Kevin Hearne Quotes
Now go and stake some vamps. Especially the sparkly emo ones.

Kevin Hearne
You are telling me that your lawyer is a bloodsucking vampire?

Kevin Hearne
She switched from ecstasy to embarrassment at about Mach five.

Kevin Hearne
Whoa. He had ghouls on speed dial. My lawyer kicks so much ass.

Kevin Hearne
That's right, there's free beer in Irish paradise. Everyone's jealous.

Kevin Hearne
Yer a good lad, Atticus, mowin' me lawn and killin' what Brits come around.

Kevin Hearne
I had privately changed 'This, too, shall pass' into 'You, too, shall die'.

Kevin Hearne
The royal hound's belly demands rubbing. Step lively, humans, neglect me not.
Oberon speaking

Kevin Hearne
Gods can screw anything and anybody. For reference, see history. Atticus O'Sullivan

Kevin Hearne
Depression is a prison to which you have the key except you never think to look for it.

Kevin Hearne
When he said to give him the sword, I don't think he meant for you to stick it in his guts.

Kevin Hearne
If I waved that in front of a museum curator, he'd promptly lose control of his salivary glands.

Kevin Hearne
Lie down and offer your throat. No, wait, that's how dogs submit. I know! Offer her you're wallet!" Oberon

Kevin Hearne
Anyone who's ever tried to tangle with a teddy bear cholla knows there's a whole lot more bear than teddy to it.

Kevin Hearne
Yes and I appreciate it. But this is going to be difficult enough without running my words through a filter of illiteracy.

Kevin Hearne
They'll have to bring in Mulder an' Scully, because there ain't no CSI on the planet that'll ever be able to explain this.

Kevin Hearne
Peace be with you," I said, and as I turned to resume my journey with Coyote, I added under my breath, "and asskicking be with me.

Kevin Hearne
He was a god of rock. He nearly solved all the world's problems with nothing but power chords and anguished cries into a microphone.

Kevin Hearne
She didn't go all fangirl on anyone, but I suspect that's only because none of them bore the slightest resemblance to Nathan Fillion.

Kevin Hearne
Monty Python is like catnip for nerds. Once you get them started quoting it, they are constitutionally incapable of feeling depressed.

Kevin Hearne
I yawned and stretched luxuriously in the morning. I make noises when I stretch because it feels ten times better than stretching silently.

Kevin Hearne
Wisdom eludes me yet, but foolishness I captured long ago and to this day it is my constant companion, though many people consider me wise.

Kevin Hearne
Ye know what me Sean used to say, God rest his soul? He said, 'A friend will help ye move, Katie, but a really good friend will help ye move a body.

Kevin Hearne
I hoped you would consider it seriously instead of laughing at it.' 'Mr. Chamkanni said much the same thing in bed the first night home from the hospital

Kevin Hearne
They never predict anything fun," Granuaile answered. "Just once I'd like to hear a prophet tell someone, 'Thou shalt win a bitchin' Camaro on a game show.

Kevin Hearne
There is always a price to pay for badassery. Neo was a badass in the Matrix and the Matrix Reloaded, but the price he had to pay was The Matrix Revolutions.

Kevin Hearne
People used to say obvious things ironically or as a form of understatement, but in the last few decades they seem to say it with a sense of discovery, and it worries me.

Kevin Hearne
I had my own dump truck of bad karma waiting for me somewhere ahwad. I had certainly earned it, but I raced to avoid it if I could; there was no way I wanted to fell that.

Kevin Hearne
He will spit you and roast you with rosemary, and we will all sample your flesh tonight. Tomorrow you will be shat out into the snow. Your diplomacy is bold and edgy, sir.

Kevin Hearne
But now that she was my apprentice, every such thought caused a guilty twitch in my neck, as if someone had dropped a sleek, stinky ferret there. Guilt ferrets are bastards.

Kevin Hearne