Kevin Hearne - Hexed (2011)

20 Sourced Quotes

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I hoped you would consider it seriously instead of laughing at it.' 'Mr. Chamkanni said much the same thing in bed the first night home from the hospital

Kevin Hearne
Let me tell you, people go on and on about what a great idea electricity was, but I'm going to put toilet paper right next to the wheel and say those are the best ideas anyone's ever had. Scoff at it if you will, but try living for two millennia without it and then we'll talk.

Kevin Hearne
I would never behave with so little dignity. Nor would I wish to be confronted in such a manner by anyone else. Vampires inspire screams, not squees. Involuntary urination is common, I grant, but it properly flows from a sense of terror, not an ecstatic sense of hero worship.

Kevin Hearne
Aw, no. You're taking us to that vegetarian place, aren't you? It's a coffee place. You can't just automatically classify anything that isn't a steak house as vegetarian. Yes, I can. This is America. You said Americans assert their own opinions as if they were facts and dismiss inconvenient facts as mere opinions.

Kevin Hearne
Thank you, Morrigan. This is very helpful, I said, already feeling myself warming up. And delivered to me entirely without pain. The Morrigan sucker-punched me hard in the face, sending me sprawling in the snow and breaking my nose. You spoke too soon and with entirely too much sarcasm, she said. We could have parted with a kiss. Remember that....

Kevin Hearne
There are many perks to living for twenty-one centuries, and foremost among them is bearing witness to the rare birth of genius. It invariably goes like this: Someone shrugs off the weight of his cultural traditions, ignores the baleful stares of authority, and does something his countrymen think to be completely batshit insane. Of those, Galileo was my personal favorite. Van Gogh comes in second, but he really was batshit insane.

Kevin Hearne
Oh, I know. They're dwarfs pretending to be elves. No, they're not dwarfs either. Okay, okay, they're little people, I'm sorry! Can't believe I have to be politically correct when you're the only one who can hear me.

Kevin Hearne
Wisdom eludes me yet, but foolishness I captured long ago and to this day it is my constant companion, though many people consider me wise.

Kevin Hearne
I had privately changed 'This, too, shall pass' into 'You, too, shall die'.

Kevin Hearne
She switched from ecstasy to embarrassment at about Mach five.

Kevin Hearne
People used to say obvious things ironically or as a form of understatement, but in the last few decades they seem to say it with a sense of discovery, and it worries me.

Kevin Hearne
Brighid's eyes flashed with a blue flame, and I wondered if she had learned to do that just so she could compete with the Morrigan's red flashes. Maybe I should try to figure out how to make my eyes flash green so I could freak out the baristas at Starbucks. No, you foolish mortal, I'd say as my eyes glowed, I ordered a nonfat latte.

Kevin Hearne
Peace be with you," I said, and as I turned to resume my journey with Coyote, I added under my breath, "and asskicking be with me.

Kevin Hearne
If I waved that in front of a museum curator, he'd promptly lose control of his salivary glands.

Kevin Hearne
They'll have to bring in Mulder an' Scully, because there ain't no CSI on the planet that'll ever be able to explain this.

Kevin Hearne
I can't spend too much time in the forests because I invariably leave traces-ridiculously happy trees, basically, since I'm the last Druid in the world and they tend to geek out like Joss Whedon fans when I show up.

Kevin Hearne
Gods can screw anything and anybody. For reference, see history. Atticus O'Sullivan

Kevin Hearne
Not everyone can be bribed with meat, Oberon." "They Can't? Oh! you mean they're vegetarian." "No, they eat meat. It just doesn't sway their decision making process." "Well that... that's just wrong, Atticus! Are they Monsters? It's like they have no moral center!

Kevin Hearne
Icy glares from vampires are far icier than icy glares from people and when the vampire giving you an icy glare is originally from Iceland, you're confronted with the archetypal origin of the term, and you shouldn't be surprised if your core body temperature drops a few degrees.

Kevin Hearne
Yes and I appreciate it. But this is going to be difficult enough without running my words through a filter of illiteracy.

Kevin Hearne