Eoin Colfer Quotes

136 Sourced Quotes

According to a janitor's assistant at the Maximegalon University, who often loiters outside lecture halls, the universe is sixteen billion years old.

Eoin Colfer
Holly, do you trust me? Holly groaned. Artemis, don't ask me that. I just know one of your outrageous plans is coming. Do you trust me? Yes, Holly sighed. I do. More than anyone.

Eoin Colfer
You guys looking for my dad? People are always, like, looking for him, and he's never around. Daddy is so not here. And I mean that literally and spiritually.

Eoin Colfer
If Koboi defeats and presumably murders us both then you can consider the debt null and void.

Eoin Colfer
I can't imagine what they're planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it, and it won't be legal.

Eoin Colfer
Of course I saved you," she said. "I couldn't do without you." And because she was happy and flushed with magic, Holly leaned down and kissed Artemis, magic sparking around the contact like tiny fireworks.

Eoin Colfer
Don't hate me forever, Arty," whispered Holly. "I couldn't bear that.

Eoin Colfer
Doobie always wanted to see the badge. It was shiny, and he was eight.

Eoin Colfer
And I will not be beaten by that jackass." "Jackass?" said Foaly, wounded. "My favorite uncle is a jackass.

Eoin Colfer
Stupid. Stupid. Foaly, we are both imbeciles. I don't expect lateral thinking from the LEP, but from you..."... "What is it?" [Holly] asked, afraid of the answer, which must surely be terrible. "Yeah," agreed Foaly, who always had time to feel insulted. "Why am I an imbecile?

Eoin Colfer
Hey, if you can't remember, don't worry about it. I'm having a few memory problems myself in this place. Little things like how long I've been here, what my purpose in life is, which feet to put my shoes on. Stuff like that.

Eoin Colfer
Look at those two. Wasting time. You wouldn't catch me doing that.

Eoin Colfer
Remember this? You gave it to me for ensuring your trigger finger got reattached to your hand. You said it would remind me of that spark of decency inside me. I'm trying to do something decent now, Captain.

Eoin Colfer
If things go badly for me tonight, I want you to stay with Mr. Wynter; he will pay you a decent wage. Will he make me bathe? No, he will debate the matter with you until you decide to wash. Ah. One of those.

Eoin Colfer
A metaphorical weight lifted from his allegorical chest and Artemis Fowl felt himself again.

Eoin Colfer
Of course. Opal is toying with our emotions for her own gratification. Nothing more. She wishes to place herself in a position of power, emotionally.

Eoin Colfer
Grab some caviar from the kitchen. You wouldn't believe the muck they feed us in Bartleby's for ten thousand a term.

Eoin Colfer
I'm on my feet, pacing around the room, punching a fist into my palm, which I stop doing when I realise how drama queen it feels.

Eoin Colfer
You need to stop thinking with your head, Mud Boy, and start thinking with your heart. Artemis sighed. The heart was an organ for pumping oxygen-rich blood to the cells. It could no more think than an apple could tap-dance.

Eoin Colfer
So, let's make a deal: If you do not voice all the withering comments about the weight or uselessness of this jacket that are no doubt swirling in that big brain of yours, then I will not mention the super-laser episode again. Agreed?" This jacket is really cutting into my shoulders, thought Artemis. And it's so heavy that I could not outrun a slug. But he said, "Agreed.

Eoin Colfer
Just what we need," moaned Holly. "Artemis Fowl with magical powers.

Eoin Colfer
In my experience, boys are predictable. As soon as they think of something, they do it. Girls are smarter — they plan ahead. They think about not getting caught.

Eoin Colfer
This is the only way. I will not allow humans or fairies to die when I might have prevented it. Butler would not give up. Listen to yourself. You sound like a... like a good guy! There's nothing in this for you.

Eoin Colfer
Me," Artemis blurted. "I'm the nut." Artemis could have sworn the squid winked at him before bringing the five-ton chunk of spacecraft swinging down toward the morsel of meat in its blue shell. "I'm the nut!" Artemis shouted again, a little hysterically, it must be said.

Eoin Colfer
That's the last order I'll ever give you Captain. Don't you dare ignore it.

Eoin Colfer
Ah, my princess. Noble steed. How does the morning find you both?

Eoin Colfer
I'm not threatening you. I'm just informing you of police procedure. If you continue to obstruct me, I remove the obstruction, in this case you, and proceed to the next command.

Eoin Colfer
There is no such thing as a happy ending. Every culture has a maxim that makes this point, while nowhere in the Universe is there a single gravestone that reads 'He Loved Everything About His Life, Especially the Dying Bit at the End'.

Eoin Colfer
Don't feel bad; I regularly reduce people to unintelligible stammers.

Eoin Colfer
And it's amazing how much noise people ignoring each other can make.

Eoin Colfer