Daniel Handler Quotes

153 Sourced Quotes

I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see.

Daniel Handler
Over the years they had developed a layer of sincerity over the irony over the sincerity. It was an irony sandwich, then, which tasted mostly like sincerity, like a cheap, bad sandwich.

Daniel Handler
I have promised to write down the entire history of these three poor children, but you haven't, so if you prefer stories that are more heartwarming, please feel free to make another selection.

Daniel Handler
Truth be told, within the chapters that make up this dreadful story, the children will face snapping crabs, strict punishments, dripping fungus, comprehensive exams, violin recitals, S. O. R. E., and the metric system.

Daniel Handler
He's been misled and he's been afraid. He's been hit in the head and left for dead. He's been abused and he's been accused and he's been refused a piece of bread. On and on he goes down this road getting pushed around and lost and around and given until sundown to get out of town, and yet this is basically a love song. He's had the shit kicked out of him, and guess what? It's love.

Daniel Handler
Standing ten feet away from Lila was sort of kickass with her nails drumming on the box with the slot in, where we put everything that we rip in half, and with her blue-eyed beauty and with the gum she was chewing and how lovely she was, in that way that makes you want to find something else lovely just so you can give it to her and see how really kickass it is to have to lovely things next to each other.

Daniel Handler
We are a nation of children letting horrible things happen, and flunking Calc.

Daniel Handler
Klaus: Maybe I don't know what "cakesniffer" means, but I think I can translate our new school's motto... If I'm not mistaken, "Memento Mori" means "Remember you will die".

Daniel Handler
There is evil out there you cannot even imagine. -Captain Widdershins

Daniel Handler
If i were a little braver i would have asked her something like, "Do you think Kickass: the movie is a comedy in the traditional, classical sense?" and we could have that conversation and it would lead to other conversations during the flat and lonely times.

Daniel Handler
"Instead of change, please give me gun so i can shoot you." She is soft-spoken but short and full of rage lately, like her whole life.

Daniel Handler
To stutter through it with you or even stop stuttering and say nothing, was so lucky and soft, better talk than mile-a-minute with anyone. After a few minutes we'd stop rattling, we'd adjust, we'd settle in, and the conversation would speed into the night.

Daniel Handler
Undeveloped, the whole thing, tossed into a box before we really had a chance to know what we had, and that's why we broke up.

Daniel Handler
They could not love anymore, they thought, just drink and pour coffee and track people down in the rain. They were living frigidly, as if in a cone of frost.

Daniel Handler
Stop saying no offense, I said, when you say offensive things. It's not a free pass.

Daniel Handler
What he'd just said was "Who cares?" and nobody wants to hear that.

Daniel Handler
Mike could see the fellow cooked and ate and sat on a sofa and put his feet up on the table it magazines. Mike didn't care which ones the fellow subscribed to, because Mike had subscribed to the fellow.

Daniel Handler
The world gets grimy and the love object is in stark relief from its surroundings. This is love, a pretty thing on an ugly street and why wouldn't you pick it up if it appeared in a taxi cab.

Daniel Handler
Keith has one of those all terrain things that will come in so handy when the world ends and we need a nine-thousand -cylinder engine to drive over those hordes of blood-thirsty mutants crawling all over the video-game landscape.

Daniel Handler
Violet said...We've never known anyone who could remain so cheerful, no matter what terrible things occurred.

Daniel Handler