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P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Humans have trouble with economics, as you may have noticed, and not just because economic circumstances sometimes cause them to starve. Humans seem to have an innate inability to pay attention to economic principles.
P. J. O'Rourke
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If the wind is blowing like stink and everything is working right, a twelve-meter sailboat can go eleven and a half or twelve miles an hour, the same speed at which a bond lawyer runs around the Cental Park Reservoir.
P. J. O'Rourke
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A world government run by the UN will be like getting an old, purblind, half-deaf substitute teacher.
P. J. O'Rourke
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I arrived in the middle of a press conference - as boring a thing to sit through if you don't know the language as it is if you do.
P. J. O'Rourke
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This is the most elaborate and luxurious method of convincing others that you can cook. Take everybody out on your yacht until they're green in the face. Then you can rave for weeks about your sauce marinara and no one will gainsay you..
P. J. O'Rourke
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Dates used to be made days or even weeks in advance. Now dates tend to be made the day after. That is, you get a phone call from someone who says, "If anyone asks, I was out to dinner with you last night, okay?"
P. J. O'Rourke
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A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.
P. J. O'Rourke
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I'm here as a radio journalist but am not even sure which part of a tape recorder takes the pictures.
P. J. O'Rourke
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West Germans are tall, pink, pert and orthodontically corrected, with hands, teeth and hair as clean as their clothes and clothes as sharp as their looks. Except for the fact that they all speak English pretty well, they're indistinguishable from Americans.
P. J. O'Rourke
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The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and we can fix that."
P. J. O'Rourke
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Rich parents are famous both for miserliness and astonishing longevity. And, when they finally do die, you'll find they've left their estate in inviolate trust to the golden retrievers.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Then there was LSD, which was supposed to make you think you could fly. I remember it made you think you couldn't stand up, and mostly it was right.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Wearing a hat implies that you are bald if you are a man and that your hair is dirty if you are a woman.
P. J. O'Rourke
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The motorcycle is a device created by the team of God and Darwin to rid the world of useless young males.
P. J. O'Rourke
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The people I see on bicycles look like organic-gardening zealots who advocate federal regulation of bedtime and want American foreign policy to be dictated by UNICEF. These people should be confined.
P. J. O'Rourke
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What about snipers?" I once asked someone. He said, "Oh, most of the snipers have automatic weapon. They arent very accurate.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Rich white Protestant men have held on to some measure of power in America almost solely by getting women, blacks, and other disadvantaged groups to wear crippling foot fashions. This keeps them too busy with corns and bunions to compete in the job market.
P. J. O'Rourke
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There's nothing more oily and cynical in politics than telling the truth.
P. J. O'Rourke
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I don't think I'll ever be a real boat reporter. My Rolex isn't big enough.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Never do anything to a clitoris with your teeth that you wouldn't do to an expensive waterproof wristwatch.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Cats are to dogs what modern people are to the people we used to have. Cats are slimmer, cleaner, more attractive, disloyal, and lazy. It's easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite poet. People like poets to possess the same qualities they do.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Australia is not very exclusive. On the visa application they still ask if you've been convicted of a felony - although they are willing to give you a visa even if you haven't been.
P. J. O'Rourke
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America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don't think that way. We don't think much at all, thank God. Start thinking and pretty soon you get ideas, and then you get idealism, and the next thing you know you've got ideology, with millions dead in concentration camps and gulags.
P. J. O'Rourke
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The Constitution is an equally forthright piece of work and quite succinct... giving the complete operating instructions for a nation of 250 million people. The manual for a Toyota Camry, which only seats five, is four times as long.
P. J. O'Rourke
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I suspect the soviets never did want to use those bombs. The most Stalinist of Soviet hard-liners - Stalin, for example - must have realized a nuclear war would be a hard thing to clean up after.
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Quote of the day
True, the initial ideas are in general those of an individual, but the establishment of the reality and truth is in general the work of more than one person.
Willard Libby
P. J. O'Rourke
Creative Commons
Born:
November 14, 1947
Died:
February 15, 2022
(aged 74)
Bio:
Patrick Jake "P. J." O'Rourke was an American political satirist and journalist.
Known for:
Parliament of Whores (1991)
Give war a chance (1992)
Holidays in Hell (1988)
Eat the Rich (1998)
Don't Vote: It Just Encourages the Bastards (2010)
Most used words:
people
government
money
politics
bad
kind
life
children
car
human
years
power
time
free
war
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