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P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Writing this book required an enormous amount of help from friends. To them goes the credit. I'll take the money.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Some people are worried about the difference between right and wrong. I'm worried about the difference between wrong and fun.
P. J. O'Rourke
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In Japan people drive on the left. In China people drive on the right. In Vietnam it doesn't matter.
P. J. O'Rourke
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For toddlers I suggest leaving their mittens on year-round, indoors and out. That way they can't get into aspirin bottles, liquor cabinets, or boxes of kitchen matches.
P. J. O'Rourke
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The collegiate idealists who fill the ranks of the environmental movement seem willing to do absolutely anything to save the biosphere, except take science courses and learn something about it.
P. J. O'Rourke
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One of the annoying things about believing in free will and individual responsibility is the difficulty of finding somebody to blame your problems on. And when you do find somebody, it's remarkable how often his picture turns up on your driver's license.
P. J. O'Rourke
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There are a lot of mysterious things about boats, such as why anyone would get on one voluntarily.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have.
P. J. O'Rourke
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The only really good vegetable is Tabasco sauce. Put Tabasco sauce in everything. Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin. The next best vegetable is the jalapeño pepper. It has the virtue of turning salads into practical jokes.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Even a band of angels can turn ugly and start looting if enough angels are unemployed and hanging around the Pearly Gates convinced that all the succubi own all the liquor stores in Heaven.
P. J. O'Rourke
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The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work, and then they get elected and prove it.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.
P. J. O'Rourke
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The Soviet constitution guarantees everyone a job. A pretty scary idea, I'd say.
P. J. O'Rourke
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I am no stranger to loud noise. I've been to a Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels concert. I once dated a woman with two kids.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Veal is a very young beef and, like a very young girlfriend, it's cute but boring and expensive.
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The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
P. J. O'Rourke
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There are no kinder or better people in the world than those who listen to you when you are 18.
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The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.
P. J. O'Rourke
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Freddie Aguilar, who's billed as "the Bob Dylan of the Philippines." This is unfair, since he's good-looking, plays the guitar well, can carry a tune, and writes songs that make sense.
P. J. O'Rourke
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A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.
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It's hard to come back from the Balkans and not sound like a Pete Seeger song.
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Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
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I am a journalist and, under the modern journalist's code of Olympian objectivity (and total purity of motive), I am absolved of responsibility. We journalists don't have to step on roaches. All we have to do is turn on the kitchen light and watch the critters scurry.
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Quote of the day
Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.
William James
P. J. O'Rourke
Creative Commons
Born:
November 14, 1947
Died:
February 15, 2022
(aged 74)
Bio:
Patrick Jake "P. J." O'Rourke was an American political satirist and journalist.
Known for:
Parliament of Whores (1991)
Give war a chance (1992)
Holidays in Hell (1988)
Eat the Rich (1998)
Don't Vote: It Just Encourages the Bastards (2010)
Most used words:
people
government
money
politics
bad
kind
life
children
car
human
years
power
time
free
war
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