P. J. O'Rourke Short Quotes

25 Sourced Quotes

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Industrialization came to England but has since left.

P. J. O'Rourke
Somalia is so bad that making a mess improves the place.

P. J. O'Rourke
A charity ball is like a dance except it's tax deductible.

P. J. O'Rourke
You can keep the dining room clean by eating in the kitchen.

P. J. O'Rourke
Civilization is an enormous improvement on the lack thereof.

P. J. O'Rourke
Of course, the humans in Haiti have hope. They hope to leave.

P. J. O'Rourke
Man developed in Africa. He has not continued to do so there.

P. J. O'Rourke
Never serve oysters during a month that has no paycheck in it.

P. J. O'Rourke
Fishing... is a sport invented by insects and you are the bait.

P. J. O'Rourke
The Three Branches of Government: Money, Television, and Bullshit

P. J. O'Rourke
Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either.

P. J. O'Rourke
Never hit anyone from behind (people should be kicked from behind).

P. J. O'Rourke
Satan probably wouldn't have talked so big if God had been his wife.

P. J. O'Rourke
People shouldn't be treated like objects. They aren't that valuable.

P. J. O'Rourke
When a thing defies physical law, there's usually politics involved.

P. J. O'Rourke
You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal.

P. J. O'Rourke
Jewishness cropped up and has never successfully been put down since.

P. J. O'Rourke
The very existence of the bicycle is an offense to reason and wisdom.

P. J. O'Rourke
There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.

P. J. O'Rourke
Germans respond well to lies. At least, they always have historically.

P. J. O'Rourke
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

P. J. O'Rourke
Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

P. J. O'Rourke
Coffee and cigarettes are much better if you want an instant breakfast.

P. J. O'Rourke
There's only one secret to bachelor cooking — not caring how it tastes.

P. J. O'Rourke
There's nothing more oily and cynical in politics than telling the truth.

P. J. O'Rourke
Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.

P. J. O'Rourke
Never hit anyone below the belt, particularly a black one earned in karate.

P. J. O'Rourke
I don't think I'll ever be a real boat reporter. My Rolex isn't big enough.

P. J. O'Rourke
A nation with a goofy foreign policy needs a very serious policy of defense.

P. J. O'Rourke
There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

P. J. O'Rourke