P. J. O'Rourke - Children Quotes

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"Malthus,", says Vice President Al Gore in Earth in the Balance, "was right in predicting that the population would grow geometrically." Al, as the father of four children, should know.

P. J. O'Rourke
The real truth about children is they don't speak the language very well. They're physically uncoordinated. And they are ignorant of our elaborate ideas about right and wrong.

P. J. O'Rourke
All bachelors love dogs, and we would love children just as much if they could be taught to retrieve.

P. J. O'Rourke
Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.

P. J. O'Rourke
Children from the age of five to ten should watch more television. Television depicts adults as rotten SOB's given to fistfights, gunplay, and other mayhem. Kids who believe this about grownups aren't likely to argue about bedtime.

P. J. O'Rourke
Ecology is the science of everything. Nobody knows everything. Nobody even knows everything about any one thing. And most of us don't know much. Say it's ten-thirty on a Saturday night. Where are your teenage children? I didn't ask where they said they were going. Where are they really? What are they doing? Who are they with? Have you met the other kids' families? And what is tonight's pot smoking, wine-cooler drinking, and sex in the backseats of cars going to mean in a hundred years? Now extend these questions to the entire solar system.

P. J. O'Rourke
Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

P. J. O'Rourke
I am a little to the right of... Why is the Attila comparison used? Fifth-century Hunnish depredations on the Roman Empire were the work of an overpowerful executive pursuing a policy of economic redistribution in an atmosphere of permissive social mores. I am a little to the right of Rush Limbaugh. I'm so conservative that I approve of San Francisco City Hall marriages, adoption by same-sex couples, and New Hampshire's recently ordained Episcopal bishop. Gays want to get married, have children, and go to church. Next they'll be advocating school vouchers, boycotting HBO, and voting Republican.

P. J. O'Rourke
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

P. J. O'Rourke
All writers know how hard it is to practice tough love on the children of our verbiage. Kick, the silly, labored metaphor out of the house. But with a computer, that metaphor is back by dinner time, claiming a rightful place in the family of the final draft.

P. J. O'Rourke
Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

P. J. O'Rourke
At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

P. J. O'Rourke
Vegetables are something God invented to let women get even with their children.

P. J. O'Rourke