Henry Beard Quotes

17 Sourced Quotes

If you can read this bumper sticker, you are both very well educated and much too close.

[Si hoc adfixum in obice legere potes, et liberaliter educatus et nimis popinquus ades.]

Henry Beard
Garden: One of a vast number of free outdoor restaurants operated by charity-minded amateurs in an effort to provide healthful, balanced meals for insects, birds and animals.

Henry Beard
Snails... I find this a somewhat disturbing dish, but the sauce is divine. What I do is order escargots, and tell them to 'hold' the snails.
Miss Piggy's point of view

Henry Beard
[Futue te ipsum et caballum tuum.]

Claim it means: I've really got to take my hat off to you.
What it really means: Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

Henry Beard
Having done these things, they made the sacrifices prescribed by custom lest they be found lacking in filial piety.

Henry Beard
If you can read this sign, you can get a good job in the fast-paced, high-paying world of Latin!

[Si hoc signum legere potes, operis boni in rebus Latinis alacribus et fructuosis potiri potes!]

Henry Beard
[Podex perfectus es.]

Claim it means: You did a terrific job.
What it really means: You are a total asshole.

Henry Beard
Continental breakfasts are very sparse, usually just a pot of tea or coffee and a teensy roll that looks like a suitcase handle. My advice is to go right to lunch without pausing.

Henry Beard
An eye condition that keeps you from looking at people's slides.

[Taedium pellucidorum.]

Henry Beard
I can't get no satisfaction.

[Nullae satisfactionis potiri non possum.]

Henry Beard
Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Henry Beard
Perennial: Any plant which, had it lived, would have bloomed year after year.

Henry Beard
I think some people in togas are plotting against me.

[Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.]

Henry Beard
Get your ducks in a row.

[Anates tuas in acie instrue.]

Henry Beard
[Stercorem pro cerebro habes.]

Claim it means: That's certainly food for thought.
What it really means: You have shit for brains.

Henry Beard
You paid how much for that dress?

[Quantum illae stolae pependisti?]

Henry Beard
May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy!

[Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant!]

Henry Beard