Larry the Cable Guy Quotes

40 Sourced Quotes

I was madder then a mosquito in a mannequin factory.

Larry the Cable Guy
Well, here we go. This is the first book I've written since 1975, when I was in the 7th grade and wrote Boogers Are Good Eatin'.

Larry the Cable Guy
A buddy of mine was mad at his son the other day 'cause he got caught having sex with his teacher. I thought, "Hey, that's pretty cool!" Problem was, he was home-schooled.

Larry the Cable Guy
We always have a tradition at our family reunion, we always have the family tug-of-war, and this year it was my dad's side of the family against my sister-in-law. She wins every year! I swear, she runs on diesel. That's a fat bastard, right there! She went on a diet one time, Little Debbie laid off 500 employees. Last Halloween, she dressed in white, came as a blizzard.

Larry the Cable Guy
Did you know that when a baby poops its diaper, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled up newspaper?

Larry the Cable Guy
[about Fruit of the Loom] What does fruit got to do with underbritches? I guess it's to remind us when we take them down we go, "Oh, I should've eaten more fruit today. I guess."

Larry the Cable Guy
OJ isn't going to jail — he just changed his name to BJ.

Larry the Cable Guy
At first I didn't even realize she was pregnant. I kinda gotten used to her throwing up every time we had sex...

Larry the Cable Guy
Did you hear about the high school football coach who got in trouble for letting his players have sex with his wife? How does that work? "Robinson! Get in there!"

Larry the Cable Guy
I was madder than a quadriplegic with a stag full of scratch off tickets, I'll tell you what.

Larry the Cable Guy