Larry the Cable Guy - Day Quotes

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Good Lord, I went in for a check up the other day and the doctor said "You need to lay off eggs." I go "Is my cholesterol bad?" He said "No, you're farts are killing everybody in this room."

Larry the Cable Guy

A buddy of mine was mad at his son the other day 'cause he got caught having sex with his teacher. I thought, "Hey, that's pretty cool!" Problem was, he was home-schooled.

Larry the Cable Guy

I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, "Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!"

Larry the Cable Guy

This lady's suin' everybody in the whole friggin' county! She's like— she's like, "My husband got his leg bit by a shark and no one jumped in and saved him!" No shit, lady! It's a friggin' shark! Get off your fat ass and save him! That's jus' like asking a retard to go out and beat up Jackie Chan! Well, the waterhead's gonna get his ass kicked! I tell ya, put that shark out in the parking lot of Walmart, I'll kick the shit outa him! I'll beat him silly all day long!

Larry the Cable Guy