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In a way, I was almost happy to see her. The worst part of me, out in the flesh. Blinking back at me in the dim light, daring me to call her a name other than my own.
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Never would forever, with all its meanings, be so clear and distinct as in the true, guaranteed end of the world.
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The girl in the tight black dress was passing by us now, eyeing Wes and walking entirely too slowly. "Hi," she said, and he nodded at her but didn't reply. Knew it, I thought. Honestly," I said. What?" Come on. You have to admit, it's sort of ridiculous." What is?" Now that I had to define it, I found myself struggling for the right words. "You know," I said, then figured Kristy had really summed it up best. "The sa-woon." The what?
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There were so many levels to the unknown, from safe to dangerous to outright nebulous, scariest of all.
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Talk was cheap and useless. Action was what mattered. And me, I was moving. Now, again, always.
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But that was the problem with having the answers. It was only after you gave them that you realized they sometimes weren't what people wanted to hear.
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Two a.m.' He swallowed, then said, "You know. The person you can call at two a.m. and, no matter what, you can count on them. Even if they're asleep or it's cold or you need to be bailed out of jail...they'll come for you. It's like, the highest level of friendship.
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Welcome to adulthood," she said. "It sucks as much as high school.
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But there was only one truth about forever that really mattered, and that was this: it was happening.
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There's something nice about the silence of a car ride in the dark, going home. When you were tired of the radio and conversation, and it was okay to just be alone with your thoughts and the road ahead. If you're that comfortable with someone, you don't have to talk.
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It's a big deal when you finally get the chance to do the one thing you want to do -need to do- more than anything. It can kind of scare the crap out of you.
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Yes, it sucked getting dumped. But wasn't it better to just be brutally honest? To admit that your feeling for someone is never going to be powerful enough to justify taking up any more of their time? I was doing him a favor, really. Freeing him up for a better opportunity. In fact, I was a practically a saint, if you really thought about it. Exactly.
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Wake up, Caitlin, Mr. Lensing had said. But what he didn't understand was that this dreamland was preferable, walking through this life half-sleeping, everything at arm's length or farther away.
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Despite our differences, we did have a history. No one understood where I was coming from the way he did.
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As I stepped out to face myself in the mirror, reaching a hand to smooth away the steam, I saw myself differently. It was as if I had grown again as I slept, but this time just to fit my own size. As if my soul had expanded, filling out the gaps of the height that had burdened me all these months. Like a balloon filling slowly with air, becoming all smooth and buoyant, I felt like I finally fit within myself, edge to edge, every crevice filled.
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Who knew three dots could make such a difference? Like everything else, a love or a wish or whatever, it was all in the way you read it.
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It's okay to accept things from people. It doesn't make you weak or helpless.
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Okay. Enough." I got out of the closet, brushing myself off, then turned around to face her. "This is happening. So you need to go downstairs, face your fears, and make the best of it, and everything will be okay." She narrowed her eyes at me. "When did you suddenly become so positive?" "Just get out of there.
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There has to be a middle. Without it, nothing can ever truly be whole. Because it is not just the space between, but also what holds everything together.
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I had no illusions about love anymore. It came, it went, it left casualties or it didn't. People weren't meant to be together forever, regardless of what the songs say.
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Really, it had been stupid to expect anything anyway. A few late nights does not a habit, or a relationship, make.
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Behind the camera, I was invisible. When I lifted it up to my eye it was like I crawled into the lens, losing myself there. and everything else fell away.
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The only thing I can't stand more than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly.
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Like life isn't complicated enough. You should at least be able to follow the signs.
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Nah," I said. "But if it does, just tell him I said to get back on the bike." "What?" "He'll understand.
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Quote of the day
Ultimately, America's answer to the intolerant man is diversity, the very diversity which our heritage of religious freedom has inspired.
Robert F. Kennedy
Sarah Dessen
Born:
June 6, 1970
(age 53)
Bio:
Sarah Dessen is an American writer who lives in Chapel Hill, North Carolina.
Known for:
Just Listen (2006)
The Truth About Forever (2004)
This Lullaby (2002)
Along for the Ride (2009)
Saint Anything (2015)
Most used words:
time
thought
people
love
life
moment
felt
person
hard
easy
wanted
finally
looked
alone
bad
Sarah Dessen on Wikipedia
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