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I'm not sure this is a world I belong in anymore. I'm not sure that I want to wake up.
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Okay, maybe this was the meant to be: the universe I knew, loved nothing more than balance.
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Adam is crying and somewhere inside of me I am crying, too, because I'm feeling things at last. I'm feeling not just the physical pain, but all that I have lost, and it is profound and catastrophic and will leave a crater in me that nothing will ever fill.
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In the calculus of feelings, you never really know how one person's absence will affect you more than another's.
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I might have been eleven years old and a little socially immature, but I recognized a gauntlet being thrown down when I saw it, and I had no choice but to take it up.
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I've been feeling something else. Like I'm about to be sucked into something powerful and painful.
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I like French fries," I say. I like French fries? I sound like a slow child in a made-for-TV movie.
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The politeness was painful. I wanted to push through it, to return to the glow of the night of the concert, but I was unsure of how to get back there.
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Her eyes flutter up to meet mine. Are you hungry? she asks. Am I ever.
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So are you moving on now? Is that what brought you to the grand metropolis of Valladolid? No. The wind just blew me here. What? Like a plastic bag? I prefer to think of myself as a ship. Like a sailboat.
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The bow is so old, its horsehair is glue Sent to the factory, just like me and like you So how come they stayed your execution? The audience roars its standing ovation Dust,
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He kissed me hard. "Promise me. Promise me you'll spend New Year's with me next year," he whispered into my ear.
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But what if Shakespeare― and Hamlet― were asking the wrong question? What if the real question is not whether to be, but how to be?
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Adam lay perfectly still, little groans escaping from his lips. I looked at the bow, looked at my hands, looked at Adam's face and felt this surge of love, lust, and an unfamiliar feeling of power.
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Standing here, in this quiet house where I can hear the birds chirping out back, I think I'm kind of getting the concept of closure. It's no big dramatic before-after. It's more like that melancholy feeling you get at the end of a really good vacation. Something special is ending, and you're sad, but you can't be that sad because, hey, it was good while it lasted, and there'll be other vacations, other good times.
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But still, I find the need to remind myself of the temporariness of a day, to reassure myself that I got through yesterday, I'll get through today.
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It's just accidental, just temporary. Until the next accident sends me somewhere new. That's how life works.
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I think you're the sort of person who finds money on the ground and waves it in the air and asks if anyone has lost it. I think you cry in movies that aren't even sad because you have a soft heart, though you don't let it show. I think you do things that scare you, and that makes you braver than those adrenaline junkies who bungee-jump off bridges.
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Mia, Kim said, an edge of warning in her voice signaling the end of her patience. You're starting to act like one of those girls. Do you need to get me a gun?
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I just wanted to tell you that I understand if you go. It's okay if you have to leave us. It's okay if you want to stop fighting.
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You talked to me, but you didn't. I could see you having these two-sided conversations. The things you wanted to say to me. And the words that actually came out.
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Love is not something you protect. It's something you risk.
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I am adrenaline slammed into inertia: a fast car stuck in traffic.
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The world feels so big when you're out in the wide open. It's like you don't have a place in it when you don't have a home." "Your place is right here," I whispered, laying down and hugging her close.
Gayle Forman
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How is it possible that a boyfriend ceases to exist from one day to another?
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Or maybe it's not a miracle. Maybe this is just life. When you open yourself up to it. When you put yourself in the path of it. When you say yes.
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But I also know that sometimes Adam needs to do things the dramatic way. He is fond of the Grand Gesture
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I think everything is happening all the time, but if you don't put yourself in the path of it, you miss it.
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Sometimes you can only feel something by its absence. By the empty spaces it leaves behind.
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It's the same thing that happens when I turn off a really good movie - one that I've lost myself to - which is that I'll be thrown back to my own reality and something hollow will settle in my chest. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie all over again just to recapture that feeling of being inside something real. Which, I know, doesn't make any sense.
Gayle Forman
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Quote of the day
Every word she writes is a lie, including 'and' and 'the'.
Mary McCarthy
Gayle Forman
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Born:
June 5, 1970
(age 54)
Bio:
Gayle Forman is an American young adult fiction author, best known for her novel If I Stay which topped the New York Times best sellers list of Young Adult Fiction and was made into a film of the same name.
Known for:
If I Stay (2009)
Where She Went (2011)
Just One Day (2013)
Just One Year (2013)
Just One Night (2014)
Most used words:
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