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I might have been eleven years old and a little socially immature, but I recognized a gauntlet being thrown down when I saw it, and I had no choice but to take it up.
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In the calculus of feelings, you never really know how one person's absence will affect you more than another's.
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Adam is crying and somewhere inside of me I am crying, too, because I'm feeling things at last. I'm feeling not just the physical pain, but all that I have lost, and it is profound and catastrophic and will leave a crater in me that nothing will ever fill.
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Okay, maybe this was the meant to be: the universe I knew, loved nothing more than balance.
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It's a good thing Kerry's dead, because that funeral would've sent him over the edge," Henry said.
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I have a feeling that once you live through something like this, you become a little bit invincible.
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It would've been easier to die. It's not that I want to be dead now. I don't. I have a lot in my life that I get satisfaction from, that I love. But some days, especially in the beginning, it was so hard. And I couldn't help but think that it would've been so much simpler to go with the rest of them. But you—you asked me to stay. You begged me to stay. You stood over me and you made a promise to me, as sacred as any vow.
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Are you happy in your misery? Resting peaceful in desolation? It's the final tie that binds us The sole source of my consolation" blue
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Except even at the start, when we were in that can't-get-enough-of-you-phase, there was like some invisible wall between us. At first I tried to take it down, but it took so much effort to even make cracks. And then I got tired of trying. Then I justified it. This was just how adult relationships were, how love felt once you had a few battle scars.
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And then Adam Wilde shows up at Carnegie Hall on the biggest night of my career, and it felt like more than a coincidence. It felt like a gift. From them. For my first recital ever, they gave me a cello. And for this one, they gave me you.
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How can it be so unclear to her when it's like the fingers on my hand to me?
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And I kissed him back so hard, like I was trying to merge our bodies through our lips.
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Quitting's not hard. Deciding to quit is hard. Once you make that mental leap, the rest is easy. Really? Was that how you quit me?
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If I stay. If I live. It's up to me. All this business about medically induced comas is just doctor talk. It's not up to the doctors. It's not up to the absentee angels. It's not even up to God who, if He exists, is nowhere around right now. It's up to me.
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I understood all that in my head, but I still didn‟t believe it in my heart.
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I don't know who I am. Or maybe I do know who I am and I just don't want to be her anymore.
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She's still beautiful. Not in an obvious Vanessa LeGrande or Byrn Shraeder kind of way. In a quiet way that's always been devastating to me.
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My stomach lurched, an appetizer before the full portion of heartache I had a feeling was going to be served at some point soon.
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Sometimes the best way to find out what you're supposed to do is by doing the thing you're not supposed to do.
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Stains are even worse when you're the only one who can see them.
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There are so many things that demand to be said. Where did you go? Do you ever think about me? You've ruined me. Are you okay? But of course, I can't say any of that.
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But my hand has been clenched into a fist for three years now; it's frozen shut.
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It feels like the city is telling secrets down here, privy only to those who think to listen.
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Suddenly, it's all too much. Bryn and the bump watch. Vanessa with my high school yearbook. The idea that nothing's sacred. Everything's fodder. That my life belongs to anyone but me.
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You were so busy trying to be my savior that you left me all alone.
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Quote of the day
Destiny is the invention of the cowardly, and the resigned.
Ignazio Silone
Gayle Forman
Creative Commons
Born:
June 5, 1970
(age 53)
Bio:
Gayle Forman is an American young adult fiction author, best known for her novel If I Stay which topped the New York Times best sellers list of Young Adult Fiction and was made into a film of the same name.
Known for:
If I Stay (2009)
Where She Went (2011)
Just One Day (2013)
Just One Year (2013)
Just One Night (2014)
Most used words:
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life
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years
hard
time
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kiss
felt
lost
open
willem
lips
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