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Gayle Forman -
Just One Day (2013)
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I don't know who I am. Or maybe I do know who I am and I just don't want to be her anymore.
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We kiss again. This next kiss is the kind that breaks open the sky. It steals my breath and gives it back. It shows me that every other kiss I've had in my life has been wrong.
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If these walls could talk, I wonder what secrets they'd tell.
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Or maybe it's not a miracle. Maybe this is just life. When you open yourself up to it. When you put yourself in the path of it. When you say yes.
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Sometimes you can only feel something by its absence. By the empty spaces it leaves behind.
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I think everything is happening all the time, but if you don't put yourself in the path of it, you miss it.
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It's funny the things you think you're scared of until they're upon you, and then you're not.
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I think you're the sort of person who finds money on the ground and waves it in the air and asks if anyone has lost it. I think you cry in movies that aren't even sad because you have a soft heart, though you don't let it show. I think you do things that scare you, and that makes you braver than those adrenaline junkies who bungee-jump off bridges.
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It's just accidental, just temporary. Until the next accident sends me somewhere new. That's how life works.
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The little things that happen. Sometimes they're insignificant; other times, they change everything.
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Sometimes the best way to find out what you're supposed to do is by doing the thing you're not supposed to do.
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Stains are even worse when you're the only one who can see them.
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It feels like the city is telling secrets down here, privy only to those who think to listen.
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Part of me knows one more day won't do anything except postpone the heartbreak. But another part of me believes differently. We are born in one day. We die in one day. We can change in one day. And we can fall in love in one day. Anything can happen in just one day.
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Because for that day, I really did become Lulu. Maybe not from the film or the real Louise Brooks, but my own idea of what Lulu represented. Freedom. Daring. Adventure. Saying yes.
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I'm also starting to wonder something else. If maybe the point of this crazy quest I'm on wasn't to help me find Willem. Maybe it was to help me find someone else entirely.
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Forward momentum. That's my new motto. No regrets. And no going back.
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Because if time can be fluid, then maybe something that is just one day can go on indefinitely
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About being grateful for what you have instead of yearning for what you think you want.
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You have to fall in love to be in love, but falling in love isn't the same as being in love
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This is myself, baby. All of my selves. I own each and every one of them. I know who I'm pretending to be and who I am." The look he gives me is withering. "Do you?
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He showed me how to get lost, and then I showed myself how to get found.
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It's nice, this. The canal." He looks at me. "You." "I'll bet you say that to all the canals.
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Willem holds my wrist for a long moment, looking at that birthmark. Then he lifts it to his mouth. And though his lips are soft and his kiss is gentle, it feels like a knife jamming into the electrical socket. It feels like the moment when I go live
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He can't possibly live up to the person you've built him to be
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Because that day with Willem, I may have pretended to be someone named Lulu, but I had never been more honest in my life. Maybe that's the thing with liberation. It comes at a price.
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The line between true self and feigned self is blurred on all sides. Which I think is a rather handy metaphor for falling in love.
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Even if you find him. Even if he didn't leave you on purpose, he can't possibly live up to the person you've built him into.
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I want to undo this. To make it right. But I have no idea how. I don't seem to know how to open up to people without getting the door slammed in my face. So I do nothing.
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You're just trying on different identities, like everyone in those Shakespeare plays. And the people we pretend at, they're already in us. That's why we pretend them in the first place.
Gayle Forman
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Quote of the day
In England, the profession of the law is that which seems to hold out the strongest attraction to talent, from the circumstance, that in it ability, coupled with exertion, even though unaided by patronage, cannot fail of obtaining reward.
Charles Babbage
Gayle Forman
Creative Commons
Born:
June 5, 1970
(age 54)
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