Gayle Forman - If I Stay (2009)

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It's a good thing Kerry's dead, because that funeral would've sent him over the edge," Henry said.

Gayle Forman
We are like Humpty Dumpty and all these king's horses and all these king's men cannot put us back together again

Gayle Forman
Losing me will hurt; it will be the kind of pain that won't feel real at first, and when it does, it will take her breath away.

Gayle Forman
I'm not sure this is a world I belong in anymore. I'm not sure that I want to wake up.

Gayle Forman
Adam lay perfectly still, little groans escaping from his lips. I looked at the bow, looked at my hands, looked at Adam's face and felt this surge of love, lust, and an unfamiliar feeling of power.

Gayle Forman
He kissed me hard. "Promise me. Promise me you'll spend New Year's with me next year," he whispered into my ear.

Gayle Forman
The bow is so old, its horsehair is glue Sent to the factory, just like me and like you So how come they stayed your execution? The audience roars its standing ovation Dust,

Gayle Forman
The politeness was painful. I wanted to push through it, to return to the glow of the night of the concert, but I was unsure of how to get back there.

Gayle Forman
I might have been eleven years old and a little socially immature, but I recognized a gauntlet being thrown down when I saw it, and I had no choice but to take it up.

Gayle Forman
Adam is crying and somewhere inside of me I am crying, too, because I'm feeling things at last. I'm feeling not just the physical pain, but all that I have lost, and it is profound and catastrophic and will leave a crater in me that nothing will ever fill.

Gayle Forman
Mia, Kim said, an edge of warning in her voice signaling the end of her patience. You're starting to act like one of those girls. Do you need to get me a gun?

Gayle Forman
I have a feeling that once you live through something like this, you become a little bit invincible.

Gayle Forman
And I kissed him back so hard, like I was trying to merge our bodies through our lips.

Gayle Forman
If I stay. If I live. It's up to me. All this business about medically induced comas is just doctor talk. It's not up to the doctors. It's not up to the absentee angels. It's not even up to God who, if He exists, is nowhere around right now. It's up to me.

Gayle Forman
I understood all that in my head, but I still didn‟t believe it in my heart.

Gayle Forman
She's still beautiful. Not in an obvious Vanessa LeGrande or Byrn Shraeder kind of way. In a quiet way that's always been devastating to me.

Gayle Forman
My stomach lurched, an appetizer before the full portion of heartache I had a feeling was going to be served at some point soon.

Gayle Forman
There are so many things that demand to be said. Where did you go? Do you ever think about me? You've ruined me. Are you okay? But of course, I can't say any of that.

Gayle Forman
Then I smell the sweat on him, a clean musky scent that I'd bottle and wear as perfume if I could.

Gayle Forman
You can have your wishes, your plans, but at the end of the day, it's out of your control -Mia

Gayle Forman
She left for Juilliard the day after Labor Day. I drove her to the airport. She kissed me good-bye. She told me that she loved me more than life itself. Then she stepped through security. She never came back.

Gayle Forman
There are like twenty people in that waiting room right now. Some of them are related to you. Some of them are not. But we're all your family.' "She stops now. Leans over me so that the wisps of her hair tickle my face. She kisses me on the forehead. 'You still have a family,' she whispers.

Gayle Forman
I don't really care. I shouldn't have to care. I shouldn't have to work this hard. I realize now that dying is easy. Living is hard.

Gayle Forman
But the you who you are tonight is the same you I was in love with yesterday, the same you I'll be in love with tomorrow.

Gayle Forman
I know that all the magic kisses in the world probably couldn't have helped him today. But I would do anything to have been able to give him one.

Gayle Forman
If you can't trust me with a choice, how can you trust me with a child?

Gayle Forman
Sleep would be so welcome. A warm blanket of black to erase everything else. Sleep without dreams. I've heard people talk about the sleep of the dead. Is that what death would feel like? The nicest, warmest, heaviest never-ending nap? If that's what it's like, I wouldn't mind. If that's what dying is like, I wouldn't mind that at all.

Gayle Forman
And now I am here, as alone as I've ever been. I am seventeen years old. This is not how it's suppose to be. This is not how my life is suppose to turn out.

Gayle Forman
Life might take you down different roads. But each of you gets to decide which one to take.

Gayle Forman
If you stay, I'll do whatever you want. I'll quit the band, go with you to New York. But if you need me to go away, I'll do that, too. I was talking to Liz and she said maybe coming back to your old life would be too painful, that maybe it'd be easier for you to erase us. And that would suck, but I'd do it. I can lose you like that if I don't lose you today. I'll let you go. If you stay.

Gayle Forman