Sarah Dessen - This Lullaby (2002)

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This is what daughters did. They left, and came home later with lives of their own.

Sarah Dessen
Closed my eyes and listened. It was like music I'd heard all my life, even more than "This Lullaby." All those keystrokes, all those letters, so many words. I brushed my fingers over the beads and watched as her image rippled, like it was on water, breaking apart gently and shimmering before becoming whole again.

Sarah Dessen
Well," I said finally, knowing he was waiting, "you make me laugh." He nodded. "And?" "You're pretty good-looking." "Pretty good-looking? I called you beautiful." "You want to be beautiful?" I asked him. "Are you saying I'm not?

Sarah Dessen
I am not breaking my rules,' I snapped, hating that I'd ended up on the advice-recieving end of things, jumping from Dear Remy to Confused in Cincinnati all in one summer.

Sarah Dessen
N the dark everyone felt the same: the edges blurred. When I think of myself then, what I was like two years ago, I feel like a wound in a bad place, prone to be bumped on corners or edges. Never able to heal.

Sarah Dessen
But God! Who could live like this, anyway, with the kind of guesswork that was enough to make a person crazy, just sailing along, taking bumps here and there, no course navigated whatsoever, with any big wave capable of just tipping and sinking you entirely. IT was madness, stipidity, and- (then I saw him)

Sarah Dessen
And no relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater.

Sarah Dessen
So what do you wear to dump somebody?" she asked me, twirling a lock of hair around one finger. "Black, for mourning? Or something cheerful and colorful, to distract them from their pain? Or maybe you wear some sort of camouflage, something that will help you disappear quickly in case they don't take it well.

Sarah Dessen
D.C., Baltimore, Philadelphia, Austin... and you. I'll be there soon.

Sarah Dessen
Love is so unpredictable. Sometimes you'll know a man for years and then one day, boom! Suddenly you see him in a different way. And other times, it's that first date, that first moment. That's what makes it so great.

Sarah Dessen
Because you can never go from going out to being friends, just like that. It's a lie. It's just something that people say they'll do to take the permanence out of a breakup. And someone always takes it to mean more than it does, and then is hurt even more when, inevitably, said 'friendly' relationship is still a major step down from the previous relationship, and it's like breaking up all over again. But messier.

Sarah Dessen
Very quietly, I heard a voice in my ear.It said, in a weird, cheesy, right-out-of-one-of-my-mother's-novels way, Ah. Wemeet again. I turned my head, just slightly, and right there, practically on top of me, was theguy from the car dealership. He was wearing a red Mountain Fresh Detergent T-shirt—not just fresh: mountain fresh!—it proclaimed, and was smiling at me. Oh, God, I said. No, it's Dexter,

Sarah Dessen
You know, when it works, love is pretty amazing. It's not overrated. There's a reason for all those songs.

Sarah Dessen
Holding people away from you, and denying yourself love, that doesn't make you strong. if anything, it makes you weaker. Because you're doing it out of fear.

Sarah Dessen
Her life was perfect. But as was often the case, the rest of us were still adjusting.

Sarah Dessen
You bought me some forks. And knives. And spoons. Because you love me!

Sarah Dessen
But something, somehow, had made all these paths converge. You couldn't find it on a checklist, or work it into the equation. It just happened.

Sarah Dessen
And I felt a sudden whirl in my head, knowing this leap was inevitable, that I wasn't just standing on the cliff, toes poking over, but already in mid-air.

Sarah Dessen
So," she went on, "it got me thinking about what cost beauty. Or for that matter, what cost anything? Would you trade love for beauty? Or happiness for beauty? Could a gorgeous person with a mean streak be a worthy trade? And if you did make the trade, decide you'd take that beautiful swan and hope it wouldn't turn on you, what would you do if it did?

Sarah Dessen
And for one second, it was like I could feel the timing clicking together, finally pieces falling into place.

Sarah Dessen
See," he began, leaning back into the booth, "I was at this car dealership today, and I saw this girl. It was an across-a-crowded-room kind of thing. A real moment, you know?" I rolled my eyes. Chloe said, "And this would be Remy?" "Right. Remy," he said, repeating my name with a smile. Then, as if we were happy honeymooners recounting our story for strangers he added, "Do you want to tell the next part?" "No," I said flatly.

Sarah Dessen
Well, it's true that I have been hurt in my life. Quite a bit. But it's also true that I have loved, and been loved. and that carries a weight of its own. A greater weight, in my opinion. It's like that pie chart we talked about earlier. in the end, I'll look back on my life and see that the greatest piece of it was love. The problems, the divorces, the sadness... those will be there too, but just smaller slivers, tiny pieces.

Sarah Dessen
In a way, I was almost happy to see her. The worst part of me, out in the flesh. Blinking back at me in the dim light, daring me to call her a name other than my own.

Sarah Dessen
I can say I made a lot of mistakes, but I don't regret things. Because at least I didn't spend a life standing outside, wondering what living would be like.

Sarah Dessen
The fate of your heart is your choice and no one else gets a vote

Sarah Dessen
In those first few hours officially single again the world seems like it expands, suddenly bigger and more vast now that you have to get through it alone.

Sarah Dessen
One word," Ted replied, dead serious, "can change the whole world." There was a moment while we all considered this. Finally Lissa said to Chloe, loud enough for all of us to hear (she'd had a minibottle or two herself), "I bet he did really well on his SATs.

Sarah Dessen
Maybe, you just misplaced it, you know? It's been there. But you just haven't been looking in the right spot. Because lost means forever, it's gone. But misplaced... that means it's still around, somewhere. Just not where you thought.

Sarah Dessen
Everything, in the end, comes down to timing. One second, one minute, one hour could make all the difference.

Sarah Dessen
Welcome to adulthood," she said. "It sucks as much as high school.

Sarah Dessen