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Sarah Dessen -
The Truth About Forever (2004)
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You just looked..." she said, searching for the word, "taken, you know? Plus you hardly reacted to Wes. I mean, you did alittle, but nothing like most girls. It was a little swoon. Not a sa-woon, you know?" I said, "Sa-woon? Oh, come on," she said shaking her head. "Even a blind girl could tell he is amazing.
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Apologies come in all shapes and sizes. You can give diamonds, candy, flowers, or just your deepest heartfelt sentiment.
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This was always the problem with my mother and me, I suddenly realized. There were so many things we thought we agreed on, but anythign can have two meanings. Like sides of a coin, it just matters how it falls.
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The way I see it," she continued, "is that some things are just meant to be the way they are.
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Now, see," Wes said, nodding at my plate, "this is going to blow your mind." I looked at him. "It's a waffle, not the second coming.
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I'd chosen instead to just change my route, go miles out of the way, as if avoiding it would make it go away once and for all.
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Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor. You get used to the weight, how it holds you in place.
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I'd been through so much, falling short again and again, and only recently had found a place where who I was, right now, was enough.
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I realized how truly hard it was, really, to see someone you love change right before your eyes. Not only is it scary, it throws your balance off as well.
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I was bored. Sad. Lonely. It was only a matter of time before I cracked.
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If he'd been any other boy, and this was any other world, I would have kissed him. Nothing could have stopped me.
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I got back in my car, starting the engine, then drove off. It wasn't until I pulled onto the highway that it all really sunk it, how temporary our friendship had been. We'd been on our breaks, after all, but it wasn't our relationships that were on pause: it was us. Now we were both in motion again, moving ahead. So what if there were questions left unanswered. Life went on. We knew that better than anyone.
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So finally, I decided that the best response — the safest — was none at all.
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No," I snapped. "I mean, no. I'm answering. I'm just collecting my response." Another few seconds passed. Is there a time limit for this?" he asked. I shot him a look. "Just wondering.
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What were you two talking about?" she whispered as Wes pulls the door shut. Nothing," I said. "Running." You should have seen your face," she said, her breath hot in my ear. "Sa-woooon.
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But it was okay not to fit in everywhere, as long as you did somewhere.
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Never would forever, with all its meanings, be so clear and distinct as in the true, guaranteed end of the world.
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The girl in the tight black dress was passing by us now, eyeing Wes and walking entirely too slowly. "Hi," she said, and he nodded at her but didn't reply. Knew it, I thought. Honestly," I said. What?" Come on. You have to admit, it's sort of ridiculous." What is?" Now that I had to define it, I found myself struggling for the right words. "You know," I said, then figured Kristy had really summed it up best. "The sa-woon." The what?
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But that was the problem with having the answers. It was only after you gave them that you realized they sometimes weren't what people wanted to hear.
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When you had to do something, you had to do it. And eventually, if you were lucky, you did it well.
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Please. She sighed. 'Can't a girl have high standards? I don't want an ordinary boy.
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But I'd long ago learned not to be picky in farewells. They weren't guaranteed or promised. You were lucky, more than blessed, if you got a good-bye at all.
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But there was only one truth about forever that really mattered, and that was this: it was happening.
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Who knew three dots could make such a difference? Like everything else, a love or a wish or whatever, it was all in the way you read it.
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Like life isn't complicated enough. You should at least be able to follow the signs.
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Say what you will, but you're never prepared for the surprise attack.
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It's just that...I just think that some things are meant to be broken. Imperfect. Chaotic. It's the universe's way of providing contrast, you know? There have to be a few holes in the road. It's how life is.
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The thing about Wes," Delia said to me, unwrapping another package of turkey, "is that he thinks he can fix anything. And if he can't fix it, he can at least do something with the pieces of what's broken.
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I turned and looked into the gas station, where Wes was now paying, as the man who'd driven us looked on. "That's too bad," I said. "It's okay, though," she assured me. "Someday I'll show you an extraordinary boy, Macy. They do exist. You just have to believe me." "Don't worry," I said. "I do.
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Because anyone that can make you feel that bad about yourself is toxic.
Sarah Dessen
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Quote of the day
Nobody ever did anything very foolish except from some strong principle.
William Lamb, 2nd Viscount Melbourne
Sarah Dessen
Born:
June 6, 1970
(age 54)
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