Mindy Kaling Quotes

57 Sourced Quotes

If it weren't for my imagination, I would weigh ten thousand pounds. This is because the only way I am able to exercise anymore is through a long and vivid revenge fantasy.

Mindy Kaling
All women love Colin Firth: Mr. Darcy, Mark Darcy, George VI—at this point he could play the Craigslist Killer and people would be like, 'Oh my God, the Craigslist Killer has the most boyish smile!

Mindy Kaling
The Internet also makes it extraordinarily difficult for me to focus. One small break to look up exactly how almond milk is made, and four hours later I'm reading about the Donner Party and texting all my friends: DID YOU GUYS KNOW ABOUT THE DONNER PARTY AND HOW MESSED UP THAT WAS? TEXT ME BACK SO WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT!

Mindy Kaling
If you're a kid who was not especially a star in your high school, I recommend going to a college in the middle of nowhere. I got all the attention I could ever have wanted.

Mindy Kaling
Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched.

Mindy Kaling
There Has Ceased to Be a Difference Between My Awake Clothes and My Asleep Clothes

Mindy Kaling
It'd be great to be so famous that if I murder someone, I will never, ever, ever serve any jail time, even if it's totally obvious to everyone that I did it.

Mindy Kaling
I'm not complaining about Romance Being Dead - I've just described a happy marriage as based on talking about plants and a canceled Ray Romano show and drinking milkshakes: not exactly rose petals and gazing into each other's eyes at the top of the Empire State Building or whatever. I'm pretty sure my parents have gazed into each other's eyes maybe once, and that was so my mom could put eyedrops in my dad's eyes.

Mindy Kaling
I don't think it should be socially acceptable for people to say they are bad with names. No one is bad with names. That is not a real thing. Not knowing people's names isn't a neurological condition; it's a choice. You choose not to make learning people's names a priority. It's like saying, Hey, a disclaimer about me: I'm rude.

Mindy Kaling
Another old saying is that revenge is a dish best served cold. But it feels best served piping hot, straight out of the oven of outrage. My opinion? Take care of revenge right away.

Mindy Kaling
In real life, shouldn't a wedding be an awesome party you throw with your great pal, in the presence of a bunch of your other friends? A great day, for sure, but not the beginning and certainly not the end of your friendship with a person you can't wait to talk about gardening with the for the next forty years.

Mindy Kaling
That's the one nice thing about being a dork about men: you can sometimes play it off as restrained and classy.

Mindy Kaling
I am telling you, the key to looking gorgeous is to never sit up straight. It implies you have not eaten enough to have the strength to sit like a regular person, which historically is sexy to everyone.

Mindy Kaling
I'm the one who looks at the infant, smiles nervously, and as my contribution to small talk, robotically announces to the parent, Your child looks healthy and well cared for.

Mindy Kaling
I kind of killed it in college. You know that saying "big fish in a small pond"? At Dartmouth college, I was freakin' Jaws in a community swimming pool

Mindy Kaling
There are many teenage vampire books you could have purchased instead. I'm grateful you made this choice.

Mindy Kaling
In my mind, the sexiest thing in the world is the feeling that you're wanted.

Mindy Kaling
A remarkable thing about me is that the time that elapses between a sad thought and a flood of tears is three or four seconds.

Mindy Kaling
I really think guys only need two pairs of shoes. A nice pair of black shoes and a pair of Chuck Taylors.

Mindy Kaling
To put it kindly, I am a very talkative, social person. To put it less kindly, I'm a flibbertigibbet, which is what my frenemy Rainn Wilson calls me.

Mindy Kaling
This book will take you two days to read. Did you even see the cover? It's mostly pink. If you're reading this book every night for months, something is not right.

Mindy Kaling
Bribes and boy bands. That's all you need to be a babysitter.

Mindy Kaling
Also, chubby people can never truly pull off ethereal the same way skinny people can never be jolly.

Mindy Kaling
I guess nothing puts a damper on a one-night stand as much as your friend pointing out all the opportunities where you might have been killed.

Mindy Kaling
I do not think stress is a legitimate topic of conversation, in public anyway. No one ever wants to hear how stressed out anyone else is, because most of the time everyone is stressed out. Going on and on in detail about how stressed out I am isn't conversation. It'll never lead anywhere. No one is going to say, Wow, Mindy, you really have it especially bad. I have heard some stories of stress, but this just takes the cake.

Mindy Kaling
My version of an Irish exit has an air of deception to it, because it includes my asking loudly, Where's the bathroom? and making theatrical looking-around gestures like a lost foreign tourist. But then, instead of finding the bathroom, I sneakily grab my coat and leave.

Mindy Kaling
Albums that remind me of my childhood happiness make me incredibly sad now.

Mindy Kaling
Everyone has a moment when they discover they love Amy Poehler.

Mindy Kaling
When I was twenty-five, I went on exactly four dates with a much older guy whom I'll call Peter Parker. I'm calling him Peter Parker because the actual guy's name was also alliterative, and because, well, it's my book and I'll name a guy I dated after Spider-Man's alter ego if I want to.

Mindy Kaling
If I'm at a party where I'm not enjoying myself, I will put some cookies in my jacket pocket and leave without saying good-bye.

Mindy Kaling