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Fred Allen Quotes
32 Sourced Quotes
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He writes so well, he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose.
Fred Allen
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The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.
Fred Allen
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Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.
Fred Allen
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Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans.
Fred Allen
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It was once rumored that fledgling executives walked around their offices backwards so they wouldn't have to face an issue.
Fred Allen
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With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.
Fred Allen
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Hush, little bright line, don't you cry You'll be a cliché by and by.
Fred Allen
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A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal.
Fred Allen
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
Fred Allen
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An actor's success has the life expectancy of a small boy about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
Fred Allen
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To a newspaperman, a human being is an item with the skin wrapped around it.
Fred Allen
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All the sincerity in Hollywood you could stuff in a flea's navel and still have room left to conceal eight caraway seeds and an agent's heart.
Fred Allen
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Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
Fred Allen
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
Fred Allen
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Television is a triumph of equipment over people, and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart.
Fred Allen
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I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.
Fred Allen
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An advertising agency is eighty-five percent confusion and fifteen percent commission.
Fred Allen
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A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Fred Allen
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When you get through all the phony tinsel of Hollywood, you find the genuine tinsel underneath.
Fred Allen
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
Fred Allen
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California is a fine place to live—if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen
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I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
Fred Allen
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A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 am and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 pm to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished even before lunch.
Fred Allen
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English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
Fred Allen
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Fred Allen
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Quote of the day
Ultimately, America's answer to the intolerant man is diversity, the very diversity which our heritage of religious freedom has inspired.
Robert F. Kennedy
Fred Allen
Creative Commons
Born:
May 31, 1894
Died:
March 17, 1956
(aged 61)
Bio:
Fred Allen was an American comedian whose absurdist, topically pointed radio program The Fred Allen Show made him one of the most popular and forward-looking humorists in the Golden Age of American radio.
Known for:
What's My Line? (1950 – 1967)
It's in the Bag! (1945)
O. Henry's Full House (1952)
Thanks a Million (1935)
The Colgate Comedy Hour (1950 – 1955)
Most used words:
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man
place
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life
comedian
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