Elayne Boosler Quotes

8 Sourced Quotes

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

Elayne Boosler
My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for 40 years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

Elayne Boosler
People lose their senses at the beach 'cause the sun beats down too hard. They say things that just don't gel, you know. Well, you've heard this a lot: "Pick up a shell - oh, you can hear the ocean!" You could pick up a bicycle and hear the ocean - you're at the beach. Put the shell down, you'll hear the ocean twice as loud.

Elayne Boosler
You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little pot belly and a bald spot.

Elayne Boosler
If a woman gets nervous, she'll eat or go shopping. A man will attack a country—it's a whole other way of thinking.

Elayne Boosler
Comedy is a blood sport. It flays the truth and spurts twisted logic. In America, people become comics because we don't have bullfighting.

Elayne Boosler
I love my parents and they're wonderful people, but they were strict, and I still look for ways to get even. When I got my own apartment for the very first time and they came to stay with me for the weekend, I made them stay in separate bedrooms.

Elayne Boosler
Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream 'You're the best' while swearing you've never done this with anyone before.

Elayne Boosler