Chuck Klosterman Quotes

82 Sourced Quotes

If you stare long enough at anything, you will start to find similarities. The word coincidence exists in order to stop people from seeing meaning where none exists.

Chuck Klosterman
Every one of Joel's important songs—including the happy ones—are ultimately about loneliness. And it's not 'clever lonely' (like Morrissey) or 'interesting lonely' (like Radiohead); it's 'lonely lonely,' like the way it feels when you're being hugged by someone and it somehow makes you sadder.

Chuck Klosterman
And I spilled gravy on my Carolina sweater, because I am alive,

Chuck Klosterman
Important things are inevitably cliche, but nobody wants to admit that.

Chuck Klosterman
I've spent the last fifteen years of my life railing against the game of soccer, an exercise that has been lauded as "the sport of the future" since 1977. Thankfully, that future dystopia has never come.

Chuck Klosterman
It doesn't matter what you can do if you don't know why you're doing it.

Chuck Klosterman
Necessity used to be the mother of invention, but then we ran out of things that were necessary. The postmodern mother of invention is desire; we don't really need anything new, so we only create what we want.

Chuck Klosterman
We all believe that we are a certain kind of person, but we never know until we do something that proves otherwise, or until we die.

Chuck Klosterman
Punk was perfect for lazy people, because anyone could do it—you didn't even need to know how to play your instrument, assuming you knew how to plug it in. There was really no difference between Sid Vicious and anyone in London who owned a bass.

Chuck Klosterman
Life is rarely about what happened; it's mostly about what we think happened.

Chuck Klosterman
People who talk about their dreams are actually trying to tell you things about themselves they'd never admit in normal conversation.

Chuck Klosterman
Every time I learn the truth about something, I'm disappointed

Chuck Klosterman
I remember saying things, but I have no idea what was said. It was generally a friendly conversation. —Associated Press reporter Jack Sullivan, attempting to recount a 3 A.M. exchange we had at a dinner party and inadvertently describing the past ten years of my life.

Chuck Klosterman
Sarcasm is when you tell someone the truth by lying on purpose.

Chuck Klosterman
The goal of being alive is to figure out what it means to be alive.

Chuck Klosterman
In New York, people are unhappy on purpose, because unhappiness makes them seem more complex; in Washington DC it just sort of works out that way.

Chuck Klosterman
A homeless man once told me that dancing to rap music is the cultural equivalent of masturbating, and I'd sort of fell the same way about playing John Madden Football immediately after filing my income tax: It's fun, but - somehow - vaguely pathetic.

Chuck Klosterman
There was a time in our very recent history when it was interesting to be a Star Wars fan. It was sort of like admitting you masturbate twice a day or that your favorite band was They Might Be Giants. Star Wars was something everyone of a certain age secretly loved but never openly recognized

Chuck Klosterman
Women intrinsically understand human dynamics, and that makes them unstoppable. Unfortunately, the average man is less adroit at fostering such rivalries, which is why most men remain average; males are better at hating things that can't hate them back (e.g., lawnmowers, cats, the Denver Broncos, et cetera). They don't see the big picture.

Chuck Klosterman
The only people who think the Internet is a calamity are people whose lives have been hurt by it; the only people who insist the Internet is wonderful are those who need it to give their life meaning.

Chuck Klosterman
If I knew I was going to die at a specific moment in the future, it would be nice to be able to control what song I was listening to; this is why I always bring my iPod on airplanes.

Chuck Klosterman
This made her remember why people take up walking: It is because they no longer have anywhere to go.

Chuck Klosterman