Chuck Klosterman Quotes

82 Sourced Quotes

Americans have become conditioned to believe the world is a gray place without absolutes; this is because we're simultaneously both cowardly and arrogant. We don't know the answers, so we assume they must not exist.

Chuck Klosterman
When Arthur Schlesinger Sr. pioneered the 'presidential greatness poll' in 1948, the top five were Lincoln, Washington, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Woodrow Wilson, and Jefferson. Only Wilson appears to be seriously fading, probably because his support for the World War I-era Sedition Act now seems outrageous; in this analogy, Woodrow is like the Doors and the Sedition Act is Oliver Stone.

Chuck Klosterman
And all I could do while I listened to this dude tell me how punk rock saved his life was think, Wow. Why did my friend waste all that time going to chemotherapy? I guess we should have just played him a bunch of shitty Black Flag records.

Chuck Klosterman
First, you must love yourself. And if you do that convincingly enough, others will love you too much.

Chuck Klosterman
Seeing no resolution to my existential recognition of loss, I decide to eat lunch.

Chuck Klosterman
Booze is the greatest of all equalizers. Rich drunks and poor drunks both pass out the same way.

Chuck Klosterman
Pundits are always blaming TV for making people stupid, movies for desensitizing the world to violence, and rock music for making kids take drugs and kill themselves. These things should be the least of our worries. The main problem with mass media is that it makes it impossible to fall in love with any acumen of normalcy. There is no 'normal,' because everybody is being twisted by the same sources simultaneously.

Chuck Klosterman
It was the kind of love you can only feel toward someone you don't actually know.

Chuck Klosterman
It appears that countless women born between the years of 1965 and 1978 are in love with John Cusack. I cannot fathom how he isn't the number-one box office star in America, because every straight girl I know would see her soul to share a milkshake with that motherfucker.

Chuck Klosterman
Instead, we were given a publication called the Weekly Reader, which was like a newspaper for four-foot illiterates.

Chuck Klosterman
Internet porn makes everything more reasonable — once you've realized there is a massive subculture of upwardly mobile people who think it's erotic to see an Asian woman giving a hand job to a javelina, nothing else in the world seems crazy.

Chuck Klosterman
It is important to have questionable friends you can trust unconditionally.

Chuck Klosterman
No woman will ever satisfy me. I know that now, and I would never try to deny it. But this is actually okay, because I will never satisfy a woman, either. Should I be writing such thoughts? Perhaps not. Perhaps it's a bad idea. I can definitely foresee a scenario where that first paragraph could come back to haunt me, especially if I somehow became marginally famous.

Chuck Klosterman
It has always been my belief that people are remembered for the sum of their accomplishments but defined by their singular failure.

Chuck Klosterman
It might sound chauvinistic, but there is a sad reality in rock music: Bands who depend on support from females inevitably crash and burn.

Chuck Klosterman
If you define your personality as creative, it only means you understand what is perceived to be creative by the world at large, so you're really just following a rote creative template. That's the opposite of creativity. Everybody is wrong about everything, just about all the time.

Chuck Klosterman
The Sims is an escapist vehicle for people who want to escape to where they already are, which is why I thought this game was made precisely for me.

Chuck Klosterman
I honestly believe that people of my generation despise authenticity, mostly because they're all so envious of it.

Chuck Klosterman
If rain is God crying, I think God is drunk and his girlfriend just slept with Zeus.

Chuck Klosterman
The last girl I love will be someone I haven't even met yet, probably.

Chuck Klosterman
Whenever I can't sleep, I like to lie in the darkness and pretend I've been assassinated. I've found this is the best way to get comfortable. I imagine I'm in the coffin at my funeral, and people from my past are walking by my corpse and making comments about my demise.

Chuck Klosterman
We're all tourists, sort of. Life is tourism, sort of. As far as I'm concerned, the dinosaurs still hold the lease on this godforsaken rock.

Chuck Klosterman
I love the way music inside a car makes you feel invisible; if you plan the stereo at max volume, it's almost like the other people can't see into your vehicle. It tints your windows, somehow.

Chuck Klosterman
The message of "The Winner Takes It All" is straightforward: It argues that the concept of relationships ending on mutual terms is an emotional fallacy. One person is inevitably okay and the other is inevitably devastated.

Chuck Klosterman
Somewhere, at some point, somehow, somebody decided that death equals credibility.

Chuck Klosterman
Art and love are the same thing: It's the process of seeing yourself in things that are not you.

Chuck Klosterman
It feels so exhausting to be so bad at something I loved so much.

Chuck Klosterman
Outcasts may grow up to be novelists and filmmakers and computer tycoons, but they will never be the athletic ruling class.

Chuck Klosterman
We would sit in the living room, drink a case of Busch beer, and throw the empty cans into the kitchen for no reason whatsoever, beyond the fact that it was the most overtly irresponsible way for any two people to live.

Chuck Klosterman
This is what being alive feels like, you know? The place doesn't matter. You just live.

Chuck Klosterman