Chuck Klosterman - Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs (2003)

30 Sourced Quotes

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In and of itself, nothing really matters. What matters is that nothing is ever in and of itself.

Chuck Klosterman
And all I could do while I listened to this dude tell me how punk rock saved his life was think, Wow. Why did my friend waste all that time going to chemotherapy? I guess we should have just played him a bunch of shitty Black Flag records.

Chuck Klosterman
I want fake love. But that's all I want, and that's why I can't have it.

Chuck Klosterman
That's like comparing apples with hermaphroditic ground sloths.

Chuck Klosterman
Americans have become conditioned to believe the world is a gray place without absolutes; this is because we're simultaneously both cowardly and arrogant. We don't know the answers, so we assume they must not exist.

Chuck Klosterman
Pundits are always blaming TV for making people stupid, movies for desensitizing the world to violence, and rock music for making kids take drugs and kill themselves. These things should be the least of our worries. The main problem with mass media is that it makes it impossible to fall in love with any acumen of normalcy. There is no 'normal,' because everybody is being twisted by the same sources simultaneously.

Chuck Klosterman
It appears that countless women born between the years of 1965 and 1978 are in love with John Cusack. I cannot fathom how he isn't the number-one box office star in America, because every straight girl I know would see her soul to share a milkshake with that motherfucker.

Chuck Klosterman
Saying you like "Piano Man" doesn't mean you like Billy Joel; it means you're willing to go to a piano bar if there's nothing else to do

Chuck Klosterman
The strength of your memory dictates the size of your reality

Chuck Klosterman
The most wretched people in the world are those who tell you they like every kind of music 'except country.' People who say that are boorish and pretentious at the same time.

Chuck Klosterman
Real people are actively trying to live like fake people, so real people are no less fake. Every comparison becomes impractical. This is why the impractical has become totally acceptable; impracticality almost seems cool.

Chuck Klosterman
Every relationship is fundamentally a power struggle, and the individual in power is whoever likes the other person less.

Chuck Klosterman
I doubt that pornography has been good for the advancement of society, but I suspect it's done wonders for the advancement of computer technology.

Chuck Klosterman
But it goes without saying that Michael Jordan could never date Pamela Anderson. That would cause the apocalypse.

Chuck Klosterman
I once loved a girl who almost loved me, but not as much as she loved John Cusack.

Chuck Klosterman
Sometimes I think children are the worst people alive. And even if they're not- even if some smiling toddler is as pure as Evian- it's only a matter of time.

Chuck Klosterman
I remember saying things, but I have no idea what was said. It was generally a friendly conversation. —Associated Press reporter Jack Sullivan, attempting to recount a 3 A.M. exchange we had at a dinner party and inadvertently describing the past ten years of my life.

Chuck Klosterman
Important things are inevitably cliche, but nobody wants to admit that.

Chuck Klosterman
I've spent the last fifteen years of my life railing against the game of soccer, an exercise that has been lauded as "the sport of the future" since 1977. Thankfully, that future dystopia has never come.

Chuck Klosterman
Life is rarely about what happened; it's mostly about what we think happened.

Chuck Klosterman
The goal of being alive is to figure out what it means to be alive.

Chuck Klosterman
A homeless man once told me that dancing to rap music is the cultural equivalent of masturbating, and I'd sort of fell the same way about playing John Madden Football immediately after filing my income tax: It's fun, but - somehow - vaguely pathetic.

Chuck Klosterman
There was a time in our very recent history when it was interesting to be a Star Wars fan. It was sort of like admitting you masturbate twice a day or that your favorite band was They Might Be Giants. Star Wars was something everyone of a certain age secretly loved but never openly recognized

Chuck Klosterman
If you define your personality as creative, it only means you understand what is perceived to be creative by the world at large, so you're really just following a rote creative template. That's the opposite of creativity. Everybody is wrong about everything, just about all the time.

Chuck Klosterman
The Sims is an escapist vehicle for people who want to escape to where they already are, which is why I thought this game was made precisely for me.

Chuck Klosterman
Whenever I can't sleep, I like to lie in the darkness and pretend I've been assassinated. I've found this is the best way to get comfortable. I imagine I'm in the coffin at my funeral, and people from my past are walking by my corpse and making comments about my demise.

Chuck Klosterman
No woman will ever satisfy me. I know that now, and I would never try to deny it. But this is actually okay, because I will never satisfy a woman, either. Should I be writing such thoughts? Perhaps not. Perhaps it's a bad idea. I can definitely foresee a scenario where that first paragraph could come back to haunt me, especially if I somehow became marginally famous.

Chuck Klosterman
Outcasts may grow up to be novelists and filmmakers and computer tycoons, but they will never be the athletic ruling class.

Chuck Klosterman
We would sit in the living room, drink a case of Busch beer, and throw the empty cans into the kitchen for no reason whatsoever, beyond the fact that it was the most overtly irresponsible way for any two people to live.

Chuck Klosterman
Every one of Joel's important songs—including the happy ones—are ultimately about loneliness. And it's not 'clever lonely' (like Morrissey) or 'interesting lonely' (like Radiohead); it's 'lonely lonely,' like the way it feels when you're being hugged by someone and it somehow makes you sadder.

Chuck Klosterman